The Universe Conspires

Once again, the universe is conspiring against Val T. Victorian.

You know how some years, you can't buy a flu shot with a boatload of salvaged treasure?

This is not one of those years. The flu vaccine is plentiful. They're practically giving it away. Like S & H Green Stamps.

I never used to bother with a flu shot. Pshaw! That was something for weaklings. For wormy, ricket-ridden, scurvy-sufferin' feebs. Not for me. Until I caught the flu. I missed five days of work, with a weekend in-between. I lost my voice. Do you know how hard it is to answer the phone when you can't talk? When I went back to work, my colleagues cried, "Too soon! Too soon!" I must have looked like death warmed over. I almost blacked out from a coughing fit. I never want to catch the flu again.

Therein likes the problem. I work in a high-risk flu-catching setting. A public school! So I gladly offer up my deltoid for injection every year. No big whoop. But this year, with the influenza-thwarting elixir flowing from health-givers syringes like water from an artesian well, I found myself without an inoculation at the late date of November 12. That's unheard of! It's even more scandalous than ending a sentence with a preposition. Some folks in my vaccine-seeking circle have been known to take the stab at the end of September. Sore-armed is forewarned. Nobody's going to slip them a flu mickey before their immune systems are prepared!

It's not my fault that my defenseless blood went a-wanting for weaponry. I meant to get a flu shot. Really. Once I found out that Walmart was giving them, I didn't see a need to hurry. Every weekend, I thought about getting the shot for The Pony and myself. But you know how it is after traipsing from corner to corner in that store. What with people taking photos of you to post on the internet and all. So I put it off.

On Halloween, The Pony and I stopped after school. I filled out the paperwork. I had the money ready. Then the RN/LPN/Walmart Greeter Most Adept at Stabbing Folks With Needles asked me that question. "Are you taking antibiotics?" Well. Yes. I was. For that sinus sickness that had plagued me for two weeks. But I felt so much better on Day Four of those antibiotics, I figured I could duke it out with Mr. N. Flu Enza with one hand tied behind my back. Apparently that's not recommended. So I let her shoot The Pony, and left.

But like my Six-Can Chicken and Dumplings Fiasco, the plot thickened.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Administrative Request: 
Please do not leave comments about how getting the flu shot gave you the flu. No. Don't even entertain that thought. I am a science teacher. I know my way around vaccines and the immune system. Don't be that person who tells the OB/GYN that you found your baby under a cabbage leaf, where the stork dropped him. Just don't.