A Literary Throwdown of Sorts

Are you all finished with your essays for The Writer 2011 Essay/Memoir Writing Contest? You haven't forgotten, have you? Surely you're not putting it off until 11:30 p.m. (Eastern) on November 30. Of course you're not.

I have my framework. And a title. But, much like myself, my essay needs a boatload of refinement.

Because writers are busy people, most with real jobs to attend to during the week, and others with yet additional weekend chores required to run a household...I am posting the official rules to save you a click. That'll get you motivated, right? Plus, it acts as filler for today's blog post! It's the Certs of official rules. It does two, two, TWO jobs in one!

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The Writer 2011 Essay/Memoir Writing Contest Rules

Entry fee
$10 per entry, payable to Gotham Writers' Workshop. Entry fees are nonrefundable. Payments must be in U.S. funds (USD).

Deadline
Entry must be submitted by 11:59PM (EDT) November 30, 2011.

Rules

1. Entries must be submitted online only, using the official entry form found [LINK]. Mailed entries will not be accepted.

2. All entries must be original and previously unpublished in any print or digital format. Entries must be in English and submitted by the author, who must be at least 18 years old at the time of entry.

3. Entries should be a personal essay or memoir about a person, place or event in your life.

4. Word count: 1,000-1,200 words.

5. Entries will be judged based on creativity, clarity, organization, logic, and overall quality of writing, including grammar, punctuation and syntax.

6. Submissions containing profanity or portraying graphic sexual acts or graphic violence will be disqualified.

7. A $10 nonrefundable entry fee, payable to Gotham Writers' Workshop, must accompany each essay/memoir entered. If you do not wish to pay by credit card, you may send a check for $10 per entry, payable to "Gotham Writers' Workshop" to the address below. You must include the title of your entry and your name on the check. Your entry will not be forwarded to the judges until payment is received. Mail checks only (entry must be submitted online using the form located at WritingClasses.com/essay2011) to:

Gotham Writers' Workshop
555 8th Avenue #1402
New York, NY 10018-4358
Attn: The Writer Essay & Memoir Contest

8. You will receive an email confirmation upon the successful processing of your entry. If you use a spam filter, we suggest you add write.org to your approved senders list. Please allow up to five business days after submission for processing of the confirmation.

9. You may submit more than one entry, but each entry must be accompanied by a $10 entry fee. No revisions will be accepted under any circumstances. Entries are forwarded to judges upon submission.

10. No simultaneous submissions are allowed.

11. Winners will be notified via email by March 1, 2012. All entrants will be notified of the results by March 31, 2012.

12. Employees and affiliates of The Writer, Kalmbach Publishing Co., and Gotham Writers' Workshop are prohibited from entering.

Judging
Editors at The Writer will read and judge each of the entries and select 20 semifinalists.

Lee Gutkind, the finalist judge, will select and rank three winners from among the semifinalists. Lee is founder and editor of Creative Nonfiction. He is editor of Best Creative Nonfiction, an annual anthology and author of Keep It Real: Everything You Need to Know About Researching and Writing Creative Nonfiction. The decision of the judges is final.

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There you go. You're welcome.

I don't want to reveal too much, because as we all learned in A League of Their Own, a lady reveals nothing. That, and there's no crying in baseball. Except for maybe this year's Texas Rangers (GO CARDS!). Where was I? Oh, yes. To tempt you to outdo me, I shall reveal a tiny portion of my entry. Because I'm a tease like that. I'm pulling up my ankle-length skirt to scandalous mid-thigh heights, to allow you to see my garter of a title, which is:

The Hippocratic Oaf

Let's just say that patients do not look favorably upon vocally misanthropic surgeons when they wake up in the middle of an operation.

My biggest challenge will be trimming it to 1200 words.