Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Friday, November 18, 2011

Secret Agendas

Perhaps I read too much into attempts to draw me into conversation.

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WHAT THEY SAY
"That's a nice shirt. Is it new?"

WHAT I THINK THEY SECRETLY MEAN
It's about time you wore something different from the past ten years.

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WHAT THEY SAY
"You are so efficient."

WHAT I THINK THEY SECRETLY MEAN
You must not have a life.

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WHAT THEY SAY
"That's okay. Go ahead. I'm already prepared for my classes. I can run my copies later."

WHAT I THINK THEY SECRETLY MEAN
Nothing like waiting until the last minute. You dang slacker.

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WHAT THEY SAY
"Oh, is that leftover pizza?"

WHAT I THINK THEY SECRETLY MEAN
Do you really think you need all those calories when you could be having the school pizza that looks and tastes like cardboard, like the one on my plate, for example?

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WHAT THEY SAY
"You must be really proud of your boy."

WHAT I THINK THEY SECRETLY MEAN
Because he has a chance for a great future. Unlike you. Who only became a teacher.

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WHAT THEY SAY
"Did you get a haircut?"

WHAT I THINK THEY SECRETLY MEAN
Because I swear your forehead is the size of an aircraft carrier landing strip. And I can't wait to go tell all my friends to check it out.

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WHAT THEY SAY
"Do you have any kids?"

WHAT I THINK THEY SECRETLY MEAN
Because you are so butt-ugly that it's hard for me to imagine you could capture a mate and force him to procreate with you.

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WHAT THEY SAY
"Did you do anything fun this weekend?"

WHAT I THINK THEY SECRETLY MEAN
I doubt that you did, because you're such a fun-sucker. But go ahead. Surprise me. At least make something up.

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Perhaps I should work on some self-esteem issues. Or stop listening to that little voice in my head

4 comments:

knancy said...

Isn't working with teens and condescending administrators, parents and co-employees great? I just love the pats on my back I received in my 40 years of work. Stress kills. Your sense of humour will prevail or else you wouldn't use a fork for a comb. Love ya'

Linda O'Connell said...

Tsk-tsk, love thyself and disregard those hooligans - the young and old ones.

labbie1 said...

LOL I just snorted my drink through my nose thanks to you! That aircraft comment was priceless!

(just TRY to figure out what THAT meant! LOL)

Val Thevictorian said...

knancy,
I'm not sure that's what they really mean. I'm just suspicious of everyone. And I'm not about to tell them that I occasionally fork my hair.

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Linda,
I shall not let them get the upper hand. I will take their compliments and inquiries with a grain of salt. And rely on medication to control my hypertension.

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labbie,
I used to know a girl with a forehead large enough to dance on. You might say it was a five-head. I bear her no ill will.