Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Paranoia, Gale Winds, and Self-Righteous Val's Whine

I am re-thinking my reliance on Save-A-Lot as a self-esteem booster/hook-up center. Sure, men and women shopping there flock to me to admire my great beauty, and proffer money. But the reaction of the employees leaves a little to be desired.

Sure, the higher-up stocker/cashier lady always greets me. We even had a moment one day, when I told her I felt bad that she had to work on some holiday or other. I accidentally let it slip that I am a teacher. I think she may hold it against me. Now she doesn't speak unless I speak first. What's up with that? And after I had so many tete-a-tetes with her at the onion bin, and on the canned meat aisle. How else would I know that Walmart is only shooting themselves in the proverbial foot by keeping in-store temperatures hot enough to clarify butter, what with their open coolers struggling to maintain their cool, thus expending excess electrical energy?

The boy checker is right polite. But he hasn't been around lately. So I'm left with a middle-aged mom whose name must be Cathy, as in Chatty. And two young pony-tailed maidens. And the septuagenarians. They've all been friendly in the past. But Saturday, the worm turned.

I ran in for some ground beef, chili beans, bread, and bananas. No checkers were up front. Another customer and I paced back and forth looking for the conveyor that seemed most likely to be accepting merchandise. The two septuagenarians came out of the office. I took the one with coal-black hair. Actually, the pace lady made that choice for me, because she took the soft grandma lady.

Coal Shiner's Coiffure scanned my items and sent them over Conveyor Falls into my cart. As she was waiting for me to fork over the cash, she turned to Grandma Softy and said, over her shoulder, "It's really a bad hair day, isn't it?"

Exsqueeze me! I think she was making fun of my hair! Yes. It was very windy. I even had to hold my shirt down so I didn't do an impromptu, abbreviated version of Dress-Up Day. You know what that is, don't you? When the wind or a person with no respect for boundaries flings a lady's dress up over her head, exposing her undergarments. If she's wearing any. But I digress...

What else might have prompted Coal Shiner's Coiffure to make such a statement about the weather? I think that was terribly rude. She could at least have had the respect to speak Korean, like the girls at the nail salon, when they made fun of Elaine, before she brought George's dad to catch them at it and translate.

The audacity! Don't they know that Val is in high demand as date material for their customers?


Sioux said...

Yes but alas, Elaine's plot failed, because George's father takes his socks off for NO ONE!

Is there an Aldi's in your area? If so, you might try going there instead. There's a guy in the dairy department at our local one, and he always gives me a wink. Or maybe it's a tic. I'm not sure.

Val Thevictorian said...

But how about his pants? He takes them off to play pool with Kramer. A trick they learned from Bob Cobb, The Maestro.

I have an Aldi's 20 miles away in two directions. I used to shop there, before Shop and Save moved in. It's only five miles. They had me at "We're open."

Congrats on your winker/ticker. Maybe you can get some free cottage cheese out of this blossoming relationship. If you don't let him see you in your Crocs.

Linda O'Connell said...

One comment would have shut that number cruncher, egg smasher up. "Yep, it sure did a number on your hair!"

Tammy said...

Well, shoe polish in the hair probably does have marvelous holding power. At least you don't have to be quite so offended considering her taste....

Val Thevictorian said...

Dang! You're better with a comeback than George Costanza. Of course, that's not saying much, what with his cleverest being: "The jerk store called. They're running out of you."

Come to think of it, she had kind of a tall shiny helmet of hair.