Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Like Catnip for Felines

I have a confession. I do not treat all of my classes equally.

I know that is shocking. They're supposed to be like my children. Right? No favorites. No special treatment. They all have their unique qualities, and their foibles. For years, I lived by that principle. No matter what the minor transgressions, the occasional lapse of decorum. All enjoyed equal benefits under Val's tutelage. But times have changed, my friends. This ain't their granny's public school education.

For the past three years, I've gradually grown immune to my blinders. And this year, I saw the writing on the wall. Not actual writing. Laws, NO! That gives my cold, cold heart a whole passel of palpitations. Let me clarify. I've seen the figurative writing on the wall. Matters came to a head with the advent of second quarter. I think of it as The Battle of the Germ-X.

Let's look at the facts. I provide the Germ-X. And the tissues. And the adhesive bandages. Not that my charges are germy or snotty or bleeding like stuck pigs. Some things you need to have on hand in case a need arises. I have no issue with a child blowing his nose and taking a squirt of Germ-X. That's why it's there. I DO, however, take issue when over half of the class rushes in from lunch and begins pumping out the Germ-X like there's no tomorrow. Like President Morgan Freeman just came on TV and told us that a meteor is going to deeply impact the earth and we're basically toast in two weeks. But keep on working. Love your fellow man. Kiss your butt goodbye. And soak up all the free Germ-X that you can.

Seriously. Who needs to wash his hands with Germ-X AFTER lunch? Just askin'. Because it seems mighty weird to me. It helps matters not that they frolic in a manner that Vi-Jon Laboratories Inc. would wish to show in slow-motion, gauze-lensed commercials nationwide. With back-lit dollops of Germ-X squirting through the air like mysterious hoax UFO rods. It's always my older kids. Not the tender freshmen. The freshmen seem well-schooled in the ways of Germ-X. But it's like catnip to the upperclass cats.

In fact, one class predominantly used up an entire quart of Germ-X in one quarter. So I've taken to putting away the new bottle during their class period. Any one of them is welcome to bring in a community Germ-X container. I'll set it out.

Of course, their class-section siblings will also reap the benefits.
What's fair is fair.


Sioux said...

With third graders, it's tissue and Q-tips and Vaseline. If one kid gets up to get a tissue--and some of them need two or three to blow their nose once, or if one gets up to get a Q-tip and some Vaseline for their lips, it becomes an epidemic. Pandemonium! OMG! It might be the last tissue on earth! Hurry! Run!

irishoma said...

Hi Val,
I admire how generous teachers are, and I don't blame you for hiding the stash of Germ-X.
At the beginning of the school year, my grandson's school list (he's in 7th grade at a parochial school) includes paper towels, kleenex, and hand sanitizer.
My granddaughter (a junior at a publc school, has to provide her own).
Hope using all that Germ-X will help stop colds from spreading.

Linda O'Connell said...

I swear by it! We use it upon entry, before snack, after recess, when we achhooo, pick and play with whatever gem we find up our noses. I'm probably contributing to their early demise, the germs, not the kids.

Val Thevictorian said...

Sorry. I can not imagine setting out Vaseline in my classroom full of 11th-graders. The pandemonium of which you speak would reach Guinness World Record proportions.

To set the record straight, I only hide it from one class. Twenty kids. Because they abuse it. The 9th-graders are good about using it after a nose-blow. And not for slinging drops of it to gather floor dirt, sniffing it, or touching others' faces with their Germ-Xy hands.

I commend you for teaching the little ones to squirt responsibly.