This morning, Genius informed me that I owe him $20.
"I don't think so. I don't OWE you anything."
"Yes you do! You always pay me to download music on my Zune account. It costs $60, and you always pay me $20. Now they're going to take money out of my bank account."
"I don't use it. It was YOUR idea that I pay you."
"How much music have you downloaded?"
"All together...less than ten songs. And that's a bit on the high side."
"Well, you COULD download as much music as you want. That's why I pay for it."
"I don't use it. Because last time I did, you told me that's why I went over on the 'unlimited' internet usage."
"No I didn't."
"You know you did! That was before I found out you'd been connecting to my internet and playing X-Box games! You know you're not supposed to use my internet."
"Well, when I use my phone internet, I can't get calls."
"Too bad, so sad. Get calls OR play games. Now you stay off, since I make you pay the overage. And you did too tell me it was because I downloaded three songs. You said that downloading songs uses up my internet stuff."
"Mom. I'm so sure I said, 'Downloading songs uses up your internet stuff.' STUFF? What is STUFF?"
"You know what I mean. You told me that."
"Well, it doesn't. You could download five thousand songs a month and not go over. Leave out a few songs for searches, that is. Now. When are you going to give me that $20 that you owe me?"
"I don't owe you anything! I gave you life! And more gewgaws and doodads than any kid could want. I don't owe you anything."
"Yes you do. I want my $20. Technically, they're not going to take it until about the 15th, but I want that money to be in my account."
"You already have $100 in that account that I started you with. So what you're saying is that you burned through my $100 as well, and need the money now, plus that $80 I put in yesterday for your November allowance."
"I didn't spend your money. Except for $4.95. But now that's back after the $80 went in."
"You have always been so difficult! Ever since you were a baby, slamming your head into my face, saying, 'Mommy beeb! Mommy beeb!' while your sticky little fingers tried to pry my lips apart in search of blood."
"Oh, Mom. You always bring that up."
"You did it a lot. It was hurtful. Emotionally. I'm surprised you didn't try to claw your way out of the womb with your soft baby-fingernails in an effort to begin the torment sooner."
"Are you going to give the $20 you owe me?"