Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Duty is in the Eye of the Beholder

This morning, Genius informed me that I owe him $20.

"I don't think so. I don't OWE you anything."

"Yes you do! You always pay me to download music on my Zune account. It costs $60, and you always pay me $20. Now they're going to take money out of my bank account."

"I don't use it. It was YOUR idea that I pay you."

"How much music have you downloaded?"

"All together...less than ten songs. And that's a bit on the high side."

"Well, you COULD download as much music as you want. That's why I pay for it."

"I don't use it. Because last time I did, you told me that's why I went over on the 'unlimited' internet usage."

"No I didn't."

"You know you did! That was before I found out you'd been connecting to my internet and playing X-Box games! You know you're not supposed to use my internet."

"Well, when I use my phone internet, I can't get calls."

"Too bad, so sad. Get calls OR play games. Now you stay off, since I make you pay the overage. And you did too tell me it was because I downloaded three songs. You said that downloading songs uses up my internet stuff."

"Mom. I'm so sure I said, 'Downloading songs uses up your internet stuff.' STUFF? What is STUFF?"

"You know what I mean. You told me that."

"Well, it doesn't. You could download five thousand songs a month and not go over. Leave out a few songs for searches, that is. Now. When are you going to give me that $20 that you owe me?"

"I don't owe you anything! I gave you life! And more gewgaws and doodads than any kid could want. I don't owe you anything."

"Yes you do. I want my $20. Technically, they're not going to take it until about the 15th, but I want that money to be in my account."

"You already have $100 in that account that I started you with. So what you're saying is that you burned through my $100 as well, and need the money now, plus that $80 I put in yesterday for your November allowance."

"I didn't spend your money. Except for $4.95. But now that's back after the $80 went in."

"You have always been so difficult! Ever since you were a baby, slamming your head into my face, saying, 'Mommy beeb! Mommy beeb!' while your sticky little fingers tried to pry my lips apart in search of blood."

"Oh, Mom. You always bring that up."

"You did it a lot. It was hurtful. Emotionally. I'm surprised you didn't try to claw your way out of the womb with your soft baby-fingernails in an effort to begin the torment sooner."

"Are you going to give the $20 you owe me?"

3 comments:

Kathy's Klothesline said...

That was so touching, brought a tear to my eye. And you went on to have another child in spite of this one? My difficult child was my last one. I tell her I would still have stopped with her, had she been my first.

Bailey @OverYonderLit said...

Speaking of, when are you going to give me that $0.47 you owe me for that one time your post made me laugh until I got a headache and I had to take a tylenol? I need it so I can pay the vending machine and get a drink. K thanks.

Val Thevictorian said...

Kathy,
Heh! Some of life's best presents come in surprise packages. Genius is a squeaky wheel. Just like his father.

*************************
Bailey,
Well. Let's raise a nonalcoholic toast to my lack of laughter-inducing posts, why don't we? Because I'm getting off cheap with that one-time $0.47.

Times are tough, and I need every penny to enter writing contests, buy Sonic sodas, and feast on gas-station chicken. To assuage my debt, I invite you to reach into the depths of my couch cushions, or haul away a box of gently-read books that you may sell on eBay or Amazon.