Did you ever notice that...
*When a car is tailgating you, it's because the crazed driver has control issues.
*But when the car in front of you is going too slow, you must get close to show the driver what an incompetent ignoramus he is.
*When you trip over a pair of size thirteen shower slides that are parked behind the couch, your son is an insensitive brat.
*But when your husband kicks your red Crocs out of their position where you left them behind the couch, he is blind as an insensitive bat.
*When somebody injures his shoulder while wiping down the kitchen counter, he's a fragile, brittle-boned geezer.
*But when you strain something in your shoulder while wiping down the kitchen counter, it's because you are an energetic, Olympic-class counter-wiper.
*When the TV is too loud during someone else's favorite show, it's because that person must be senile and deaf.
*But when the TV is too loud during your favorite show, it's because the speakers are made into the back of the set, and someone else hooked up the surround sound speakers wrong.
*When a driver pulls out in front of you, making you jam on your brakes, it's because he's a stupid fool who got his driver's license out of a CrackerJack box.
*But when you pull out in front of another driver, it's because you were momentarily blinded by the sun.
Yeah. I noticed that, too.