Val is Stylin'

Josh Hoyt, at The Blog That Helps You Diagnose Your Characters, has presented me with an award. I was kind of hoping for a Major Award, like the leg lamp in A Christmas Story, but that would have been a bit inappropriate. Josh's wife and my husband might not appreciate such a risque, fish-netted, electrified gam passing between Josh and me.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this Stylish Blogger Award. Oh, I definitely have a style all my own. But I am concerned that somewhere in the blogosphere, two people are typing whispers about me. Kind of like Lily Tomlin told Dolly Parton about Jane Fonda in Nine to Five: "We're gonna need a special locker for the hat."

Here are the rules of the Stylish Blogger Award:

To accept the award, you have to do the following

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 10-15 blogs who you think deserve this award.
4. Contact these bloggers and let them know about the award.

I would like to share 7 things about Val's style.

1- My hair is all my own, and I keep it cut in an unstylish lady-mullet so as not to distract my students with my great beauty. I do not use hairspray, due to a childhood Aqua Net incident. My coiffure holds its shape in compliance with the laws of science, using good ol' static electricity. On my best days, I might be accidentally mistaken for Bob, of Big Boy fame.

2- One of my most stunning childhood ensembles was the combo of sky-blue stretch pants with foot strap thingamajigs paired with a rose-colored polyester dress with black rickrack hand-stitched by my grandma festooning the sleeves and neckline. Only a future valedictorian could rock that look.

3- My most memorable school picture is from fourth grade, featuring a smile in which I pulled my teeth over my lips like a toothless grandmother yearning for Heidi to bring her some soft white rolls. For the record: I really like soft white rolls.

4- As a miler on the high school track team, I possessed a kickin' pair of shoes with long metal spikes for running on cinder tracks. It is not such a good idea to use your teammate's head as a drum on which to practice your spiked-shoe drumstick cadences between races, as some people have really fragile scalp skin, and are not up-to-date on their tetanus shots.

5- To ward off the midwestern winter chill, the well-dressed high school gal, Val, rotated her stable of wraps, consisting of a dark brown maxi coat, a flannel CPO jacket, and a white, fur-lined Southwestern Bell Telephone windbreaker with two stylish blue and gold stripes down the left side.

6- My high school band uniform required black shoes. Not one to go with the basic flow, Val obtained a pair of funky platform saddle shoes in black and gray. They were more of a fashion statement than they were a viable option for marching up the field at home football games, or down Blue Goose Hill during the homecoming parade.

7- A promotional poster of a Coors Light beer label can be made into a fetching Halloween costume when wrapped around your torso, held up with black suspenders, and teamed with a gray sweatshirt, gray sweatpants, silver Nikes with a red swoosh, and an inverted visor wrapped in foil for the pop top.

I would like to share my special Stylish Blogger Award with two most deserving folks who have followed flaky Val here from her supersecret long-time blog abode:

Mommy Needs a Xanax, a middle-school teacher now deep undercover as a Mississippi mom,

and

Kathy, the Krafty Kampground Kaperer. who can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear and sew it back on the sow so that all the other sows turn green with envy.

Should you ladies decide to accept, I look forward to finding out 7 things I don't already know about you!

Thank you, Josh, for bestowing this honor upon me. I shall cherish it and set it on the mantle next to the coconut-shell monkey that my son bought me at a flea market, to be dusted twice a year, whether it needs it or not.