Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Val is Stylin'

Josh Hoyt, at The Blog That Helps You Diagnose Your Characters, has presented me with an award. I was kind of hoping for a Major Award, like the leg lamp in A Christmas Story, but that would have been a bit inappropriate. Josh's wife and my husband might not appreciate such a risque, fish-netted, electrified gam passing between Josh and me.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this Stylish Blogger Award. Oh, I definitely have a style all my own. But I am concerned that somewhere in the blogosphere, two people are typing whispers about me. Kind of like Lily Tomlin told Dolly Parton about Jane Fonda in Nine to Five: "We're gonna need a special locker for the hat."

Here are the rules of the Stylish Blogger Award:

To accept the award, you have to do the following

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 10-15 blogs who you think deserve this award.
4. Contact these bloggers and let them know about the award.

I would like to share 7 things about Val's style.

1- My hair is all my own, and I keep it cut in an unstylish lady-mullet so as not to distract my students with my great beauty. I do not use hairspray, due to a childhood Aqua Net incident. My coiffure holds its shape in compliance with the laws of science, using good ol' static electricity. On my best days, I might be accidentally mistaken for Bob, of Big Boy fame.

2- One of my most stunning childhood ensembles was the combo of sky-blue stretch pants with foot strap thingamajigs paired with a rose-colored polyester dress with black rickrack hand-stitched by my grandma festooning the sleeves and neckline. Only a future valedictorian could rock that look.

3- My most memorable school picture is from fourth grade, featuring a smile in which I pulled my teeth over my lips like a toothless grandmother yearning for Heidi to bring her some soft white rolls. For the record: I really like soft white rolls.

4- As a miler on the high school track team, I possessed a kickin' pair of shoes with long metal spikes for running on cinder tracks. It is not such a good idea to use your teammate's head as a drum on which to practice your spiked-shoe drumstick cadences between races, as some people have really fragile scalp skin, and are not up-to-date on their tetanus shots.

5- To ward off the midwestern winter chill, the well-dressed high school gal, Val, rotated her stable of wraps, consisting of a dark brown maxi coat, a flannel CPO jacket, and a white, fur-lined Southwestern Bell Telephone windbreaker with two stylish blue and gold stripes down the left side.

6- My high school band uniform required black shoes. Not one to go with the basic flow, Val obtained a pair of funky platform saddle shoes in black and gray. They were more of a fashion statement than they were a viable option for marching up the field at home football games, or down Blue Goose Hill during the homecoming parade.

7- A promotional poster of a Coors Light beer label can be made into a fetching Halloween costume when wrapped around your torso, held up with black suspenders, and teamed with a gray sweatshirt, gray sweatpants, silver Nikes with a red swoosh, and an inverted visor wrapped in foil for the pop top.

I would like to share my special Stylish Blogger Award with two most deserving folks who have followed flaky Val here from her supersecret long-time blog abode:

Mommy Needs a Xanax, a middle-school teacher now deep undercover as a Mississippi mom,


Kathy, the Krafty Kampground Kaperer. who can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear and sew it back on the sow so that all the other sows turn green with envy.

Should you ladies decide to accept, I look forward to finding out 7 things I don't already know about you!

Thank you, Josh, for bestowing this honor upon me. I shall cherish it and set it on the mantle next to the coconut-shell monkey that my son bought me at a flea market, to be dusted twice a year, whether it needs it or not.


Linda O'Connell said...

Interesting...now it's time to post your photo :)

Tammy said...

I say the best style is the one that's all your own!

Josh Hoyt said...

You are hilarious. I know that if ever I'm feeling down I just need to give your blog a look. Great post. BTW I played in the marching band as well. I think your right about the whole leg thingy but it might be worth it just to see the looks on their faces :)

Val Thevictorian said...

That would be quite interesting indeed. But I am trying to remain anonymous. The photo when I won the Author! Author! First Pages Contest was traumatic enough for me.

Good thing you say that. Because nobody else would dare claim responsibility for my style.

Thank you. I know it's hard to believe, but some people have found me hilarious when I wasn't even trying to be funny.

The Leg Lamp Award would be short-lived for poor Val. It would disappear faster than the Dirt Devil mini-vac that Hitch bought me the Christmas that my son was two weeks old. I unwrapped it with a baby on my lap, and I never saw it again. The vacuum, not the baby. Hitch has no use in his workshop for a baby, apparently.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Oh, Val, you make me blush! I don't do awards ........... at first, because I could not figure out how to manipulate the award to my site.
1-I am technically challenged ..... really.
2-I don't even want to tell you how long it took me to figure out paragraphs on here.
3-In the first grade I had a friend named Jeannie. Every day we would swap an item of our clothing and then demand that the teacher call us by the other's name.
4-I considered being a surrogate for my son and his wife to have a child of their own. I was so happy they chose to adopt!
5-This is my third marraige. When I tell him he is my favorite husband ... it means something!
6-I hated highschool. I was in a very small town. I did not fit into any group. I always felt like an outsider. Probably why I got married at 15. I wasn't even pregnant!
7-My mother always told me I was smarter than "the others". I have come to realize that she was right.

There you go. Seven things I probably should not admit.

Val Thevictorian said...

At least you have your mad craft skillz to make up for your lack of technicity.

Thank you for sharing your 7 eccentricities. I am most concerned about that clothing-swap scheme.

Sinead O'Clobber said...

Oooooooo! I got an award! I'm sorry...I don't have a speech...

Val Thevictorian said...

I can call you that, can't I? Like the late Phil Hartman as Frank Sinatra called Jan Hooks playing Sinead O'Connor on SNL back in the good ol' days?

Indeed, you have been awarded an award. I can forgive the speech unpreparedness. But the least you could have done was tear up a picture of a religious icon so I could walk off my own blog for the week.