Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Saturday, April 16, 2011

'Tis the Season of the Peep

I looooves me some Peeps. Sugary, squooshy, neon-colored treats, ripe for the picking off Walmart shelves since the day after Valentine's Day. I've been pretty good about resisting them. Until today, I had only indulged once. They were yellow. The bunnies, not the chicks. Chicks are too asymmetrical for me. After I bite off the head of a chick, I don't know how to proceed. Should I pop the whole body into my gaping maw? Or savor it in two or three bites?

No, chicks are not my bag. I prefer the bunnies. They are a three-course snack: ears, head, torso. Okay, so the bunny's torso kind of morphs into his butt. We all have our little body image issues. Today I partook of some delectable purple Peep bunnies. I might still have some lavender sugar crumbs clinging to the corner of my mouth. Aren't you glad I don't have a webcam?

My purple Peeps were quite attractive in a marshmallow-paper-doll kind of way. I didn't take a picture of them because...well...I was wanting to rip them open and chow down. So here's a stock photo. You've seen one Peep, you've seen 'em all, right?


 Except that you haven't. Really. Because last Christmas, I purchases some Peeps snowmen. They certainly looked delicious, after that long dry spell since Peeps pumpkins and ghosts went away. But when I removed the wrapping, I saw a most embarrassing sight. Fearing that nobody would believe me, I took a picture.


They're smirking, don't you think? They look like naughty, fluffy, pirates. "Yo ho ho and a bottle of eggnog!" Those rowdy ruffians had no place in a holiday snack display. It wasn't just one three-man chorus line showin' their business. The whole package was like that. All three rows. At first, I thought it was just me. Perhaps I had an impure mind. I called my son Genius, then fifteen, to take a look. "Do you see anything wrong with these Peeps?" His hoot was enough of an answer for me. I could not let these jolly gentlemen appear in public.

So I ate them.

9 comments:

Linda O'Connell said...

This is hysterical! Have you tried microwaving them?

Val Thevictorian said...

Linda,
Um...no. It's not like an image of the Virgin Mary is going to appear. That only happens with Gummi Bears.

Now if you're speaking from a purely culinary perspective, I can see how such a toasty tidbit might be appealing. Hot, bloated bunnies are something I might look into. But I have no desire to puff up one of those snowmen.

Josh Hoyt said...

This is hilarious and at Christmas time no less. Now when eating bunnies it is four bites for me. two for the ears then one for the head and then the body. I bet you could have sued for the Christmas ones :)

Josh Hoyt said...

Yes I agree stay away from the snowmen lol

Val Thevictorian said...

Josh,
Oh, the depths to which our society has fallen...lawsuits concerning marshmallow improprieties, litigation over hot coffee that (!) burns you if you spill it on your skin, fines for allowing your little dog to kill a raccoon ransacking your garage.

Perhaps you've heard about my proposed handbasket factory. ;)

knancy said...

Have you seen the annual Peeps Show that the Washington Post does? They are dioramas of the past year's main events done with Peeps characters. They are hilarious yet fascinating. Our local library has taken up doing the same thing. Go to
://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/peeps or just Google Peeps Dioramas and look at the WP sites.

Val Thevictorian said...

knancy,
I will check that out. Last year, my son Genius had an assignment for English in which he had to create a scene from a children's book a la Peeps. He chose The Telltale Heart. Granted, that is not a children's book. But the teacher approved it, because the plot is fairly common knowledge.

Genius made a bedroom, bed, raised floorboards, a dresser, a painting on the wall, and a bloody hunk of marshmallow under the floor for the heart. The other kids loved it. In viewing the other projects, I must say that Three Blind Peeps was my favorite. That Peep really know how to wield a carving knife.

Tammy said...

Delicacy prevents me from asking in what order you ate the pervy peep parts. Indelicacy made me laugh really hard at this post. Glad I saw it, however late.

Val said...

Tammy,
Okay. I can't make you wait two-and-a-half years for my response. I was never good at that Tough Love thing. I did NOT bite off their very special appendages first. Hat, head, torso, the rest. So in effect, I saved that section for savoring.