Vicks VapoRub and Val,
sitting in a tree:
First comes love,
then comes marriage,
then comes Val
with a baby carriage.
Okay, we haven't progressed quite that far in our relationship. No stinky little bundle of joy for me. But things have been heating up between my new love and me. Vicks caught me at a vulnerable time. I have been feeling less than attractive. Over the past three days, the dark circles under my eyes have grown more pronounced. I had hoped that the new red tint around my nostrils would draw attention away from my eye bags. A furtive glance in the mirror revealed that I was sadly mistaken.
Vicks has been in my life off and on since childhood. I had a tendency to overlook him in those early years. Even when he was right under my nose. This time, however, I sought him out. I didn't have to go far. Vicks, ever on the lookout for a prime opportunity, had ensconced himself behind the vanity mirror in my bathroom.
We resumed our on-again, off-again relationship slowly at first. I deeply inhaled his signature scent. That really got my juices flowing. Vicks always knew how to make me hot. Try as I might to resist his slimy advances, I knew we were destined to spend the night together. My chest ached for Vicks.
Throwing caution to the wind, I ripped off my blouse. And foundation garment. Before you could say Holly Robinson Peete, Vicks was all over me. Our melding was as good as I remembered. Emboldened, I crept into bed next to Hick, the sticky essence of Vicks still clinging to my flushed skin. Hick remained unaware. Perhaps it had something to do with the CPAP machine shielding his nasal passages.
For now, Vicks and I bide our time. Our rendezvous are always furtive. Behind closed doors. In the privacy of my home. Though I can't imagine life without him, I refuse to be seen with Vicks in public. Some things are better kept private.
A lady reveals nothing.