I feel remiss in my blog behavior of late. Here I am, operating two blogs, when some people have none. How selfish of me! It's time for me to give something back to the blog community. And because I am so selfless, and so adept at making good decisions, such as the time in college when I went over to that car as it pulled off the side of the street, to the dude behind the wheel, who beckoned to me by pointing at his naked wrist and asking if I had the time, only to discover that his wrist was not the sole appendage which was naked, I am going to open myself up to your inquiries.
Yes, you can write to Dear Crabby with your questions about life, love, and the pursuit of crabbiness. No question is too deep. Or too shallow. What's kickin' around in your noggin? Shake it out like a hairless baby mouse from the pocket of coveralls left hanging in the barn, and send it to Dear Crabby.
Dear Crabby is a trained professional. She has an A.A., a B.S.Ed., and an M.Ed. Those three things, along with her high school valedictorianship, plus a dollar and eight cents, will get you a Route 44 Diet Coke with Lime between 2:00 and 4:00 each day at Sonic.
Gather your wits and send Dear Crabby a piece of your mind. Her services will be available every Sunday until May 22. Don't delay. Get your questions in now.
Here's one to prime the pump.
Why does my son keep telling me that school is like prison?
Signed, Out of Touch
Your son is very observant. The reason he tells you that is because school IS like prison.
*Every fifty-four minutes, there's a head count. Students who are not accounted for are sent to The Hole, also known as In-School Suspension. There, they spend the day in small cubicles with work assigned by their guards.
*Food is dished out onto compartmentalized trays. No knives allowed, only plastic forks and spoons. A minimal time is allotted for meal consumption, to prevent behavioral issues.
*No physical contact is permitted between student or students/teachers.
*Strict rules are enforced regarding personal grooming, clothing, and hairstyles.
*Student lockers, purses, and pockets are searched with due cause.
*Gum is the currency of the student population.
*The most common sentence is four years, though some are released early for good behavior, and a few are retained for lack of progress.
Send Dear Crabby your questions. In the immortal words of Bluto in Animal House: "Don't cost nothin'."