The Sound of One Shoe Slapping

First, it was my eyesight. Who can forget my unfortunate Ming vase faux pas? In case your answer was, "Um. ME," please allow me to supply you with the concrete evidence.

Now, a paltry three days after my birthday, another sign of aging has reared its ugly head.

This morning I was watching the local news, gloating a bit, reveling in my SnowDayness, feeling not one whit of compassion for teachers in ritzy school districts outside of Backroads. You know. Those who had to attend school as usual today. The anchor man led into a story about MoDOT workers inspecting the roads last night. "MoDOT employees checked out the roads in flip-flops throughout the night-time hours."

What's this all about? Can MoDOT workers not afford proper footwear in winter months? I used to be a state employee. I know the salaries are not comparable to private industry. But as Al Mangelsdorf told me when I interviewed for the position, "We seem to have a holiday every time the sky is cloudy. Next week we're off for Columbus Day." Maybe those workers are willing to scrimp on snow boots in order to reap the benefits of twelve paid holidays, plus ten hours of sick leave and ten hours of vacation time every month. That's what we used to get, anyway, at the Missouri Division of Employment Security. But I could still afford footwear. Matching shoes, too! Not like our office counselor, Diana, who wore one brown shoe and one black shoe. But enough reminiscing.

Genius arose at 9:15. That's because he was rounding up his posse to go out to lunch at a local Mexican eatery. Isn't that what we all think about at 9:15 in the morning? "You're not going to believe this, but I swear that guy just said the MoDOT workers were out last night, inspecting the roads in flip-flops!" He gave me that pitying look reserved for old people who annoy him with their backwards ways. Mainly used for me and Hick.

So there I was, picturing those hardy MoDOTTies traipsing about the slushy streets in flip-flops, much like my old college friend, Lynne, who never wore any shoe besides blue Nike flip-flops, winter, spring, summer, fall. To each her own. Then the anchorman said it for the third time.

"MoDOT found few slick spots on the main roads." They were looking for slick spots! Not checking in flip-flops! That's a bit embarrassing. Genius even cracked a smile. I think he might have snorted. But that could have been some type of freaky, foreshadowing emission related to his upcoming $12.00 nacho feast.

I'm turning into Emily Litella.