The First Annual Val Thevictorian Blogoversary/Birthday Party

Welcome, welcome! My blogoversary/birthday party is in full swing! Come right in. Too bad the weather has taken a winterly turn. I had planned for us to set a spell on the porch, perhaps whittle a corncob pipe as a craft activity, and then roam about the grounds.

Looks like you're just in the nick of time for some virtual Oreo cake. Oh, I didn't bake it on my birthday. This is one made for The Pony last year. I did mention that this is a virtual party, right? So the calories don't count!

Here's where we could have been a-whittlin'. It's a bit frosty out there now. The wind chill is 4 degrees.

To stay warm and cozy, we will head over to Hick's BARn. No, that's not a typo. Hick built a barn, but turned the top floor into a bar. He's crafty like that. Plus, I sometimes suspect that he likes to escape the underside of my thumb. Belly up, folks. I'm sure Hick has a frosty brew, or a shot of Southern Comfort, or some leftover Ouzo from years ago when a friend went on a cruise to Greece. I regret to inform you, however, that the moonshine is long gone. And we won't be gettin' any more anytime soon, because Popcorn is dead. You'll only get that reference if you watch that show, Moonshiners.

In case you're a Jeff Foxworthy aficionado, that is, indeed, our working TV sitting on top of our nonworking TV. Nobody's complainin'. It's a BARn, for cryin' out loud! In case you're a teetotaler, you can rest your haunches in the Coca Cola booth. Hick is somewhat of a memorabilia collector.

Careful of the splinters. Hick did all this woodworking himself. And he's got even more shelves of stuff. So the beer buckets don't exactly go with the Coke motif...makes no nevermind to Hick. I may or may not have started the bucket collection with one or two Strassenfest buckets from my errant youth.

  

After a few rousing games of checkers, and possible consumption of adult beverages, we will head down to the creek to enjoy the solace of nature and Hick's designs. The newest additions to his shackytown are currently off limits. But the old standbys are fair game. Oh, and in case any of you need to use the facilities...

You're fresh out of luck. Because the wind blew the facilities over last spring. So looks like you'll have to hold it. Unless I can be persuaded to let you into the basement to utilize the NASCAR bathroom.

That countertop was custom painted by my cousin's wife. She's quite the airbrush artist. You probably can't see the detail, but the cabinet handles are Hot Wheels cars. Yes. We're shameless, card-carrying, redneck hillbillies. But on to the creek. Hop into the Scout, our first little about-the-grounds ride, before Hick graduated to a Mule.

Hang on tight! Because it's a steep, unpaved road down to the creek. First, we'll stop by the original A-frame, built by Hick before even the BARn or the house, as a place for him and the older boys to camp out on the land when we lived in town, in my $17,000 house. But that's a story for another time.

Look out for the wasp nest up under the overhang, there by that plexiglass window in the loft. We don't have epipens on the premises. Stand clear if you are prone to anaphylaxis. Next, we move on to the more modern log cabin. It's chock full of countrified things. Hick has since built an addition, a bedroom. I can see him living here one day. Perhaps sooner than he thinks.

You're lucky I left out the picture with Hick standing on the porch holding the six-foot snakeskin that he found inside. No need to set off a panic attack so far from civilization. Y'all might not come back. We will now retire to the BARn, level one, to have a dance contest. Don't worry about those pigs. They've been returned to their rightful owner.

Hick was all set to make sausage out of them one Sunday when he found them roaming the south ten. He and The Pony captured them and imprisoned them in the BARn. Hick just assumed they were wild boars, free for the taking. But again...that's another story.

All right, let's get this party started with a dance contest. Sioux, I think I see your hand up to go first. Everybody else, get your cameras ready.

I'd like to thank you all for my virtual gifts and snacks. I'm sure a great time will be had by all. But if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a trivia contest. Val is a vital link to success for her long-time team. Somebody put the dip in the BARn fridge when you're done, and be sure to lock up.

I'll catch you tomorrow.