Save Us From Ourselves

We live in a Nanny State.

I thought I had seen the ultimate nannying when raindrops began to fall gently, and my Chevy Tahoe automatically turned on the windshield wipers for me. Because obviously, people who drive Tahoes are too stupid to turn on the wipers. We're a bunch of water-blinded bats, tooling around in our 4WD bumper cars, swerving willy-nilly until we finally hit a possum or come to rest wheels up.

We have to be told that coffee is hot. Plastic bags are not children's toys. Don't operate heavy machinery while tranquilized. Dang! That railcar was just a-beggin' to be picked up with a crane and set down across the interstate.

This week, our low water bridge was sporting some new bling, courtesy of the county road commission.

For a bit of perspective, I am parked beside the sign. The water comes up that far. There is not even a glimpse of bridge when that road is flooded. The county must be tired of fishing Tahoe drivers out of the drink every time we have a heavy rain. I tried to drive across that bridge once, when I could still see the bridge beneath about six inches of water. Right before I reached the opposite roadway, my vehicle shifted ever so subtly. I gassed that sucker and counted my blessings. So I'm smarter than the average Tahoe driver when it comes to this flooded bridge.

Here's a view from the other side, during late summer, with the original sign. You would have to be a booger-pickin' moron to think you could drive through a raging torrent in that gulch. Thank goodness our county commissioners know what's best for us.

If we're not busy driving into floods with our Tahoes that let us down by not maneuvering like the Branson Ducks on Lake Taneycomo, we are just as busy making shortcuts through one of three local roundabouts. Silly MoDOT. How could those state merit job engineers expect good ol' boys to drive around in circles like some fancy schmancy European in a Le Car? Guess we showed MoDOT, huh?

I am waiting for a sign to go up (just as soon as inmates at one of the local prisons can make one) that says: Proceed in a circle around red-brick trim and grassy center. Do not drive through roundabout.

It could happen.