Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

It's Hard Out Here for a Peep

I spent much of Saturday biting the heads off rabbits.

Don't jump to conclusions. I'm not a circus performer, nor a heartless bunny-killer. But I AM addicted to Peeps. So when I saw that Walmart had placed them on an endcap last Monday, I stocked up. Apparently, yellow rabbits are the red-headed stepchild of the Peeps family. I grabbed three packs. Because you can never have enough Peeps.

When I opened them, I planned to eat two. Only two. Two Peepy rabbits. The ears went first. They have the most radioactively-colored neon yellow sugar. Mmm...Then I bit off the head. To show mercy. It was quick. That lifeless bunny never knew what hit him. I got three bites out of the body. Then started on number two. Before I knew it, both squishy snacks were gone! And there were two in the pack that had lost their chorus-line partners. One had gaping, sugarless wounds on his side. Exposed marshmallow without sugar. That had to smart. So of course I found it necessary to put those two out of their misery.

Momentarily sated, flying high on a sugar rush, I vowed to save the rest of the rabbit Peeps until the next day.

You know how this is going to end, don't you? Several hours later, I hear those Peeps calling me. "Where are our brethren? We must be reunited. You are the prime suspect. We demand that you take us to them. Forthwith." Those sniveling sugar bunnies sure did talk big. And since they asked for it...I acquiesced.

Later that night, four lonely bunny Peeps silently cried themselves to sleep over their missing conjoined siblings. What better time to dispatch them? One minute they were snoozing, dreaming little bunny dreams, oblivious to the horror that had befallen their close-knit family. And the next, they were oblivious. Out of harm's way. Digesting in my stomach acid.

It's hard out here for a Peep.

7 comments:

Sioux said...

I have heard (but have never tried it) that you can put Peeps in the microwave and they will do wild things. You can put two of them--facing each other, and put a toothpick in each of them, like they are fencing, and let the power of the microwave work its magic...

Me? I'm no Peep-lover. Give me chocolate instead.

Linda O'Connell said...

No mercy! Chomp fast and furiously, devour them and never look back, because they will be on your tailend.

Leenie said...

We have a disagreement on peeps here. I prefer them fresh and squishy. Hubby and one daughter say they need to be aged and chewy. Hubby buys them early and leaves them open to dry. I find them and, like you, humanely put them out of their misery.

Stephen Hayes said...

Mrs. Chatterbox loves Peeps but they are one of the few candies totally safe around me.

Mrs. Tuna said...

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Okay, funniest post I've read today! Do I dare tell you I have a package going stale on my counter?

Val said...

Sioux,
I, too, have heard that the microwave elicits a Peeps Gone Wild response.

So...you always return to your dark master--the cocoa bean?

***********
Linda,
Heh, heh! You snuck that one in on me. Yes, they ARE on my rumpus.

***********
Leenie,
Yes, I must sacrifice them while they are fresh and squishy. Who wants to age and become crusty and tough? Not Peeps in MY house!

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Stephen,
Maybe you could get a Peep route in your spare time, and deliver them door to door, year round, like the milk man.

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Mrs. Tuna,
I certainly hope you are not aging them like a fine wine. Or cheese. I'll take my Peeps immature any day, like that wisecracking cheese on the commercials.

Sioux said...

Of course. Is there any other?