A mysterious ailment has befallen my Colgate toothpaste.
Pasty was all hale and hearty a few short days ago. Robust. Turgid. A breathtaking specimen of toothpastehood. But now he's been cut down in his prime. He lies listlessly in the master bathroom drawer. When placed upon the counter next to the sink, Pasty is a sad panda. Several dents dot his skin. But that's expected of aging, aluminum-based hide.
Pasty's appearance is not what garners my concern. When uncapped, Pasty has lost some of his get-up-and-go. Rather than emitting a firm rope of enamel-scrubbing mucilage...Pasty sputters out gas, fluid, and runny fang-soap. I fear that Pasty had met with a life-altering accident. Or a dastardly, premeditated deed.
Hick, my prime suspect (c'mon, you know he was the first culprit to come to YOUR mind, too), normally maintains his dental hygiene from the confines of the shower. Yes. I know it's disturbing. But he has his own tube of toothpaste that he lines up on the top of the metal track that holds the opaque doors of the walk-in shower. His toothbrush rests on that lofty perch as well. No holey wall-holder for his chomper-scrubber. So I'm having a hard time pinning this crime on Hick.
I put myself in Pasty's tube. Perhaps Hick was in a hurry. Chose not to shower in the A.M. after finally recognizing the superfluousness of an evening bath and morning shower. And snatched me up for a quick brushing over the sink. Held me in a firm grip, squoze me too near the running faucet under which he dangled his Oral-B Advantage Plus, thus causing me to suck water into my innards.
That has to be it. The only alternative scenario is a near-drowning accident in the jetted triangle tub in which The Pony is wont to immerse himself two-to-three nights per week. The Pony is too old for tub toys. And even if he regressed, he knows that Pasty is not a toy. There's quite a distance from the drawer to the tub. It's not accidental-knocking territory.
Surely Pasty is not a product of China, as some of his brethren who came before him. Because I do not feel like being slowly poisoned by an antifreeze ingredient. Besides, he was fine last week.
I may need to start chewing on reeds. Because if the Hick script is true...where did he get that toothbrush?