Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

This Stuff I Know for Sure

* if I am backing into a parking space at Great Clips, because I have a coupon, and they don't look busy...a van will pull in closer, and a disheveled woman and two kids will climb out and beat me to the door

* a car that pulls out in front of me, with the gas-cap door hanging open, and leaves a two-car-length gap behind the truck in front of it at the stoplight, will undoubtedly make a left turn from the right lane, eschewing the center turn lane

* when I back out of the garage in a hurry, to pick up The Pony after his academic team practice on the day I don't go to school because of my lab appointment, a journey that takes thirty minutes, Juno will run into the garage and refuse to come out, necessitating my descent from the control center of my large SUV, to chase her and remove her in order to close the garage door

* if I go to bed late, and plan on catching twenty winks in the recliner the next morning while Hick takes his shower, before time to wake The Pony, the dogs will decide that some furry apocalypse is lurking at the edge of darkness, and bay at odd intervals while thumping against the front door

* a heavy-duty, canvas-duck dog toy purchased for Juno will last approximately twenty-three hours before wads of white stuffing start showing up in her dog house, on the porch, and in the front yard

* nobody around here likes sausage pizza except me, but when I leave two pieces in the fridge for lunch the next day, they will disappear, while the cheese and the pepperoni slices remain untouched

* after washing my copper-bottomed steel pan in my almond sink, I will have to wash the sink to remove the black stains, which would not have appeared in the stainless-steel sink I requested when building the house, that was rejected because it would "look cheap"

* I'm some freaky kind of Mensa-worthy brainiac, because I, alone, know how to take paper plates out of the cabinet and refill the wooden holder on the counter that proclaims Everyday China

5 comments:

Stephen Hayes said...

I'd sponsor you for Mensa but they won't return my calls.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Bad day?

Sioux said...

And I am a clairvoyant, because only I know there is a load of wash in the washing machine, ready to be put into the dryer.

Your knowledge and mine run in similar veins...

Kelley said...

The part about Great Clips cracked me up! Haha!! That is me when I am trying to rush to the door with my two sons and I see another lady get out of the car with her kids. I'm all, "NO, YOU DON'T!" inside, pulling my kids as fast as I can to the clipboard at the front. Ha!

Val said...

Stephen,
Do you hear a loud squealing sound? Because maybe you're dialing their fax line.

**********
Kathy,
I think my biorhythm must be in a deep trough this week.

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Sioux,
We should start our own psychic friends network! You come up with the most scathingly brilliant ideas. You can be Fleur de Lis and I'll be Sandy Beach. You put soap in the nuns' sugar bowls, and I'll play the silent piano.

**********
Kelley,
At my Great Clips, I try to get the old lady who looks like Janice Dickinson. She cuts a good head of hair, but has a hard time figuring out how to ring up two haircuts and two tips.

Dang! I hear that Great Clips is letting people call in for a cut time now. That's outrageous! I'm off to blog about it!