I came down with an unusual affliction right after school today. One minute I was fine, and the next minute I was beset with a bout of intense itching in the chestal/breastal area. Right at the confluence of the twin peaks. There was no moment of biting/stinging clarity.
My room was empty save for The Pony, who had disembarked his bus, harvested some snacks from the third drawer of my file cabinet, and turned his back on me in favor of rereading a book for the 197th time. I reveled in the newfound solitude by sticking my fingers through the gap between shirt-buttons and scratching to beat the band. Ahhhhh.
Then I peeped inside. I had come down with hive. Not hives. Hive. I had one giant welp in the middle of my sternum. Now, some of you may think I misspoke there, and that there's no such thing as a welp, and that what I'm really talking about is a welt. And to you, I say, "Come down here to my little slice of paradise, and my peeps will show you what a welp is all about."
I can't imagine what caused this urticaria. Did a toxin glide into the room on a cartoonish wisp of smoke and snake its way inside my shirt? Did a six-legged vermin jump off a fellow man and onto me? Did a half-hearted enemy make a juju of me, and stick a pin into that area? Don't know. Don't care. I just want it to stop itching.
I refuse to turn into my sixth-grade teacher, Mrs. McCrorey, who spent half the day poking a red ink pen down her neckline, and roto-rootering it about. No student is going to be scarred for life by my inadvertent itch-relieving motions.