Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Let the Long Horns Blare Huzzahs from the Rooftops


WooHoo! Break out the sparkling cider! Val has an announcement to make. Ding! Ding! That's my Oneida spoon tapping on my Baccarat sparkling-cider flute.

I have placed 89th in the 80th Annual Writer's Digest Writing Competition, Memoirs/Personal Essay category.

Oh, yeah! Val's famous now! Forgive me for tooting my own horn at such a decibel. That is so totally uncharacteristic of me. I can't help it. I am more exhilarated than a teacher on the last day of school. Prouder than a possum upon completion of a successful cross-road trip. More excited than a kitten in a room full of laser pointers. More pumped than a basement in a low-lying subdivision. Happier than a hack writer with a link to a cliche collection.

I might just cast myself a medal proclaiming: "89th Place" and wear it every day, even on snow days when I don't leave the house. I feel that a plaque might be appropriate, for setting on my desk to let students know that not only was I valedictorian of my high school class, but that I'm also a nationally-recognized writer. Because fourteen-year-olds will be impressed with my mad wordcrafting skillz, yo! I could erect a sign out on the county road, with an arrow directing sightseers to the home of the 89th Place winner.

Sure, some people might call me 88th loser. But I'm not listening to those killjoys. Uh uh. I've got my index fingers wedged tightly into my ear canals, humming "I am the 89th champion, my friends," so as not to have my mellow harshed by those who would scoff at my talents. If, for some reason, those 88 writers ahead of me in the Memoirs/Personal Essay category cannot fulfill their duties as the category winner, I will be glad to step up and carry out their reign.

Because I'm selfless like that.

11 comments:

knancy said...

You are the person I go to every day. If you don't post, then I am disapointed. I have read your postings and checked your comments and sometimes there were none. I wanted to respond but did not feel funny/crazy enough to do so. Please keep up your stability to portray your ability on an everyday blog that is much more than everyday.

Sioux said...

Val--

You SHOULD be proud. I'm sure that thousands--no, probably millions--of writers submitted. Snagging an 89th spot amongst millions or billions of writers is awesome.

What was your memoir about? (Can you share it on your blog?)

Linda O'Connell said...

Congratulations! That is big news.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am toasting your celebrity with coffee this fine morning!

Tammy said...

Sioux said it all. Congratulations!

Cathy C. Hall said...

I am COMPLETELY overwhelmed to find huzzahs here for...hold on a tic. YOU won 89th place?

Never mind.

(Okay, that really is quite something. Being in the Top 100 at a WD Competition = Top 3 at Any Other Competition. Maybe even Top 1.)

Val Thevictorian said...

knancy,
Thanks for your support. I can always find something to write about every day. Which is not to say that it's interesting to anybody but me.

**************************
Sioux,
You are very kind. Did I sound like Woody Harrelson as Billy Hoyle in White Men Can't Jump? Because that is the inflection I was shooting for.

I don't know how many people entered, but I found a solitary link that said 12,300 entered last year. Of course, that is less than billions. I know that, because I used to teach math. And there were ten categories. But still, I will not hang my 89th-place head in shame.

I will try to post my entry this weekend. But first, I have to milk this incredible fluke for all that it's worth.

*************************
Linda,
Thank you. I'm sure it beats reading about how I saw a cow in the road.

*************************
Kathy,
Better than roasting me as a celebrity!

*************************
Tammy,
Thanks. If you ever substitute at my school, you can follow ME out of the building during a fire drill, because I will be easy to spot, with my 89th-place bling all shinin' and such.

*************************
Cathy,
Well, I ain't Cathy-on-a-Stick, but I, too, am making a name for myself in this world. Though totally anonymous here.

Somebody in my family had the audacity to ask, "Out of how many, 89?" Which is not very nice, if you ask me.

BECKY said...

Well, as I guess you've noticed, I'm reading this AFTER I read your newest blog post about being 89th!! Dittos to what was already said. (or is it "Dittos "on" to what was already said." Or ??)

Val Thevictorian said...

Becky,
At least Blogger let you comment. I have tried several times this week to comment on your blog, but big bad Blogger devoured my words forthwith.

One time I re-commented several hours later, and it went through. But the other ones were eaten. Perhaps they will be regurgitated in a couple of months, like the last Blogger faux pas that had everybody's followers doing the disappearing act.

I tried to say, on your latest "I Wonder" post, that I cant' be friends with anyone who is lacking a funny bone. That's my entry-level friendship criterion.

bettyl said...

Congrats! That's something to toot your horn about.

Val Thevictorian said...

bettyl,
Thanks so much. I am nothing if not a darn tooter!