Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Mighty. See: "fallen."

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

There I sat, forking furiously at my big little salad, when a calamity of epic proportions manifested itself in the middle of my meal. My fork snapped. Snapped, like the hip of an osteoporosis-ridden septuagenarian trying to walk her precious Pomeranian after a bout of freezing rain.

I adore plastic forks. They are so smooth. So lightweight. No metal aftertaste. The best ones are from Captain D's. Or McDonald's. The ones that come with Walmart deli salads,  I throw away. None of those cheap, ridged-tine weaklings for shoveling my vittles. They go right into the wastebasket. The flimsy forks. Not the vittles. That would be like throwing the baby out, and keeping the bath. Except babies are not so tasty as a big little salad. That I know of.

When my fork failed, I was left holding the handle. It was a clean break. Approximately an inch from the body proper. At first I was horrified. Then I realized that the tines were intact. I picked up my new mini-fork and went back to town on that salad.

It was essential that I replenish the energy I had expended in tonight's repeat coldecystectomy.


Sioux said...

Val--The same thing has happened to me before, and I did the same thing you did.

Desperate times call for desperate measures...

Val Thevictorian said...

Well, next thing you know, you will be forking your hair regularly as well. With a different fork, of course. To use the same fork would be simply barbaric.

labbie1 said...

Is the patient a bad patient? You just performed a coldecystectomy if I recall correctly! Did you miss a malignant growth?

Val Thevictorian said...

The patient had a blockage in his cube pooter. Apparently, I am not the kitchen surgeon I fancied myself to be. Or else he had a recurrence.

irishoma said...

I'm fussy about forks. I like ones with pointy tines.
Your post about forks reminded me of a quote--I think it was by Yogi Berra who said--"when you come to a fork in the road take it."
Donna v.

Val Thevictorian said...

Well, if you try to use those blunt tines, it's really going to wreak havoc on your hairdo. So pointy tines are the way to go, whether forking your hair at a moment's notice, or chowing down on some delicious salad. And I'm pretty sure they're the bomb as an emergency back-scratcher.