Another conspiracy has reared its ugly head to leer at Val and send her into a tizzy. Beware of the Pizza Hut Ten-Dollar Box Scam. You heard it here first.
To comply with the unwritten Truth in Blogging Law, let the record show that the Thevictorian family has enjoyed the Ten Dollar Box before. On several occasions. To rave reviews. But this evening, something went amiss betwixt the telephone order and the drive-up carry-out window. A dastardly deed that went undiscovered until the quick meal was unpacked at the old homestead.
Perhaps you've seen the Ten-Dollar Box on TV. It's a rectangular pizza, packed alongside breadsticks and cinnasticks, complete with marinara sauce and melty icing for dipping. We ordered two pizzas, because Genius and I wanted some leftovers to pack for our school lunch. Friday is not a good day to dine in the cafeteria. Especially so late in the year. We ordered a pepperoni (which I detest), and a sausage.
Genius lit into the pepperoni box like Kobayashi in his prime at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. I prepped for The Pony, removing pepperoni. He prefers breadsticks, but will eat cheese pizza. Nothing to see here.
I opened the sausage box. And beheld a disturbing sight. My pizza looked like a football. If you can picture the crust as pebbly leather, and the topping as the laces. If you took a square corner piece and compared it to a pie, a wedge comprising one-fourth would have been filling, and the rest, crust. Somebody had robbed my pizza Peter to pay Paul. I hope Paul was happy. And that he suffered a painful gallbladder attack from all that extra fatty sausage and cheese. I, on the other hand, will be carb-loading at lunch tomorrow.
It's enough to drive me back to the gas station chicken establishment. I'm running out of places where my students don't work.
9 comments:
And that is why I order Imo's...pepperoni by the way. Nothing better than cold pizza the next day.
You have a gas station/chicken establishment in your neighborhood too?
Augusten Burroughs (a great memoir writer) once got angry with his maid. For the final work period, he paid her--all in pennies. (And they weren't rolled up, either.)
Perhaps you could load up your pants' pockets with pennies, and head to the pizza place?
Yes, most foul. Even fowl. I'll go with you and wish curses on both the scammers and Paul.
Linda,
Ooh! I love Imo's. But not cold. Hot. With sausage. And their salad, with that Provolone cheese. A colleague hates Imo's. She calls their pizza "Velveeta on cardboard."
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Donna,
All the best neighborhoods have them. And you can buy MegaMillions tickets there, too!
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Sioux,
But what if Pizza Hut won't take the change, and then they overcook my shirt?
I have a Burroughs or two on my shelf. I seem to recall that scenario. Unless I'm confusing it with a Sedaris.
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Leenie,
Strength in numbers. They shall rue the day that they cheated me of my toppings!
And this is why I always check my take-out before driving home.
Kathy,
One of these days, I'm going to learn that lesson. Hick needs to join me in that course at The Learning Annex. He has, on more than one occasion, driven home with the boys' Sweet and Sour Chicken bereft of Sweet and Sour sauce. Which makes it just chicken. And about as appetizing to teenage boys as a human liver with fava beans. No Chianti.
I love cold pizza it is the best.
Josh,
My favorite cold pizza is from Casey's General Store. It's gas station pizza!
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