If It Ain't Broke, Talk about Fixing It

Hick has decided that the air conditioner repair man must come on Friday morning at 8:00.

He seemed perturbed when I said, "So you'll be the one letting him in?" Because I've got a feeling that he intended for me to do that. Which is certainly ridiculous, because Hick has already taken the day off work on Friday to pick up Genius at Nerd Camp on Thursday at 2:30. Are you getting a glimpse into how Hick's mind works? He figured that since he was taking off Thursday, he might as well take off Friday, too.

The air conditioner service idea came about because Hick says that it's not working. I'm not sure what he's expecting from old Central Air. I jacked the thermostat up to 74 degrees at the beginning of summer vacation, because Hick said the usual 72 was too low. Now he says that the house is too hot. And the AC isn't working. I pointed out that while I'm in the basement, I sometimes turn on my little electric heater under the desk in my office, because I am too cold. And when I watch TV in the evening, I need a blanket. Because I am too cold. Hick said I need to adjust those vents in the ductwork. That I need to do that every summer and every winter.

Whoa, Nellie! I have never adjusted vents in the ductwork. It's not like a rectangular vent in the floor, with a slidey lever to open or close it. They are round, spirally thingies up in the ceiling, with twisty dials in the center. Next thing you know, it will be my responsibility to crawl through the ducts with a feather duster. I told Hick that he can adjust those vents himself. As yet, he's walked under them every evening on his way to the pool and has laid nary a hand on them.

The reason Hick says the AC doesn't work is because "It runs all the time." I'm thinking that just might have something to do with the heat index of 115 degrees these past few days. But Hick says the AC never shuts off. I begged to differ, because as an avid TV-watcher, I am keenly aware of having to turn up the volume every time that basement behemoth cranks on, and lower the volume when it shuts off. Hick says I am delusional. Not with such a grandiose word, perhaps, but that's what he meant. He says I am only hearing the fan as it goes from high to low. I don't think that's how an air conditioner works.

It reminds me of the time last winter when we had those below-zero days and Hick wanted to run the furnace on Emergency Heat. Because he said it would be easier on the unit and it wouldn't have to work so hard. He didn't like it when I said I thought Emergency Heat was for when something happened to the furnace, and you needed emergency heat. Now that I took two minutes to research it, I seem to have been right, but for the wrong reasons.

I hope Hick enjoys his visit with the AC repairman to talk about not-fixing the AC that ain't broke. For a service fee.