Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Friday, March 30, 2012

Snakes in a Drawer

The Pony is following in the footsteps of his big brother, Genius. You remember Genius, don't you? The boy who lost his chartreuse pillowcase?

Both boys are going to the MSUSBC Youth Bowling Tournament this weekend. Don't go thinking it's an honor. As long as they've bowled enough games during the season, any kid can compete in the state bowling championships. Our local alley always takes a team.

Hick has mentioned for the past two days that the boys need their team shirts. According to The Pony, one shirt is in Hick's car. Probably left there from last year. Or at least from last fall, when their league may or may not have handed out new shirts. Hick swears that The Pony has a shirt somewhere in the house. Like that narrows down the search area.

I combed the laundry room last night. I knew there was a shiny blue, white, and red shirt with a Youth Bowling logo. It gets shoved aside every week during laundry, because it is a non-essential wardrobe item. I washed it and hung it to dry at 5:00 this morning. Hick says that is not the right shirt, but that it will do in a pinch. He wants the one with the local team name on it. A black T-shirt.

When we got home from school, I sent The Pony to his room to search for the bowling shirt. About thirty seconds later, he announced, "Nope. It's not in my room."

"Did you look in the drawers?"

"Yes."

"In ALL of the drawers?"

"YES!"

"It has to be there. It's not hanging in the laundry room."

"Well, it's not. I looked."

I may or may not have heaved a giant, long-suffering, sarcastic sigh. I'm a master at expressing myself with expelled air. No eye-rolling for me. I'm a minimalist.

I rifled through The Pony's second drawer. Old shorts. T-shirts for home wear, not good enough for school. The third drawer was school shorts with pockets and zippers. And some specialty shirts. BETA club. Academic team. An orange, don't-kill-me t-shirt for wearing outside at the beginning of deer or turkey season. Another blue, white, and red silky Youth Bowling t-shirt. A solid red league bowling team t-shirt. And a couple of school mascot t-shirts.

The Pony was dispatched to the living room to put the bowling shirts on the back of the couch for Hick to inspect when he came in from his nightly goat-and-chicken reunion. I opened the fourth drawer. Lo and behold, on the bottom of the right-hand stack of not-in-the-daily-rotation shirts was a black team bowling shirt. "You said you looked through all of the drawers."

"I DID!"

"Well, I found your bowling shirt."

"Where?"

"Right there on the bottom of the stack."

"It wasn't there a minute ago! I LOOKED!"

"I'm sure you did." I couldn't resist. As he bent over and peered into the drawer, in an effort to understand the mysterious, spontaneous generation of his team shirt...I took that shirt and touched the back of his neck with it. While making a rattling noise and a snake-hiss. "If it was a snake, IT WOULDA BIT YA!"

The Pony laughed nervously.

Please, please, PLEASE! Somebody out there promise me that if I ever disappear, a search party NOT comprised of my immediate kin will commence looking for me.

7 comments:

Stephen Hayes said...

If you turn up missing we won't put your kids in charge of finding you. So you might have a chance of being found.

knancy said...

Oh! This rates a 10 in my parental payback book! Well, you got Pony back, but I think Genius deserves a pay back over his “lost” pillowcase. When you mentioned snake, it reminded me of your chartreuse neck relief snake and then I remembered that Genius had a pillowcase that was chartreuse, too. Why don’t you hide your snake on his pillow? You think he might jump and yelp?

And if you disappear, Juno will find you if you leave directions on your blog for us to find a piece of your smelly clothing for her to scent for the trail. I hope it’s in Pony’s drawer where you found the bowling shirt - ‘cause nobody would look there but us.

Sioux said...

Of course, Val. When we miss just one of your late night postings, we'll form a search party. And to "get back" at the lunks you live with, we'll keep you entertained for a few days and make them sweat.

Nutella for breakfast, a rollicking game of Risk ("Hey--you have to run downstairs? Don't take the game board with you."),Imo's for lunch, a Seinfeld "Scene It" battle-to-the-death tournament, and Pi for dinner (President Obama's favorite Missouri pizza).

They may not sweat too much over your absence (because to do that, they have to be AWARE of their surroundings) but they might start missing clean underwear. (Ooops, sorry. They're guys. Never mind.)

Carol said...

Val, it's true. In our house, I am the only one who is not a "surface looker".
It happens regularly around here. I laugh secretly inside when I find the desired object.

Val said...

Stephen,
I appreciate it. They would tire of the effort in about 37 seconds and drift off to play computer games. And probably not even mention to anybody that I was still missing.

************
knancy,
Genius is harder to pay back. He's more wary. My chartreuse snake has bands of blue as well. So...not a good blender. But still very comfortable.

My Juno would certainly try to track me. SHE LOVES ME! I'm her everything. But I am a bit disturbed to find out how smelly my clothes must be that the scent is evident to my blog-readers!

Yes, The Pony's drawer is the perfect hiding place. It could be the new Fort Knox. Nobody would ever consider looking there. As long as any burglar is male, all valuables would be safe.

I shall wear a perpetual stray sock from the laundry basket for a day and a half, then stash it in The Pony's bottom drawer for a fail-safe way to track me.

************
Sioux,
It might turn out like Ruthless People. You'll keep me for a few days, then I'll be marked down. I doubt any sweating will be involved. But when Genius runs out of jeans, he will raise a ruckus. "SOMEBODY needs to do some laundry!" will not go over well with Hick.

I'm up for a Seinfeld Scene-It battle royale. The gluey Nutella you can keep. I will gladly accept some Pi if you fly the chef in to cook it fresh for me. I don't play Risk because of cheaters. You should see Genius, Hick, and The Pony trying to finish a game.

**************
Carol,
Isn't that moment of discovery SWEET? I love to gloat. To flaunt the found object mercilessly under their noses.

I can't remember what it was, but something really valuable and important was lost last fall. I found it in the back seat of my SUV, after all three guys had looked there for it and declared it to be lost for good.

It might have been The Pony's billfold, containing his life savings. He was like, "Meh. It's only money. I'll save more." Hick was about to go ballistic. Genius only faked concern because The Pony's loans are how he bankrolls his electronics addiction.

Josh Hoyt said...

I think this is back to the magic thingy. you know with the dog on the roof. This is the case of the magic shirt appearing out of no where thingy.

Val said...

Josh,
Magic, indeed! The same magic that causes messes to occur spontaneously, and saved lunch pizza to disappear overnight.