I had a minor kitchen accident this evening. Nothing like CHOPPED, where the chefs sometimes sever a digit, stick it back on with chewing gum, stretch on a latex glove, and go merrily about their chopping while it fills with blood faster than ground offal bloats a sausage casing.
The accident occurred while I was slicing two onions. Lucky for me, I was on the second half of the last onion. Because that acid that leaks out of the onion cells sure does smart when it comes in contact with an oozy layer of my dermis, once I carve away a hunk of epidermis.
Funny how much you take your thumbs for granted. They do countless thankless jobs all the live-long day, unheralded, unappreciated. Here are just a few tasks we rely on thumbs for, that I discovered tonight:
Picking up raw pork steaks and ensconcing them in Saran Wrap. Pretty difficult when you don't want to expose your open flesh to Trichinella spiralis, a species of roundworm that just might be infesting your pork. And a tough task to perform with a lone thumb.
Pairing and rolling up white socks that belong to boy children. Let's just say somebody is going to get the sock with the red dot.
Grabbing a handful of Scoops tortilla chips. Or as I like to think of it, deliberately rubbing salt in my own wound.
Pulling down pants. As in those frantic trips to the bathroom that women of a certain age are wont to experience.
Pulling up pants. Because to not do so is kind of frowned upon in polite society.
Changing channels on the Dish Network remote control. Dang! You might as well text 24/7/365 to build up your thumb strength, because that remote is a regular bear with all those fancy gewgaws.
Blowing your nose. Try it sometime. To pick up a tissue and blow your nose without using your thumb. Or try using the opposite hand. See? I told you so.
Opening or closing a ziplocked bag of Walmart Great Value Almonds. It takes two thumbs! Or one thumb and a set of teeth.
Thank goodness the wound is on the finger side of my thumb, so typing is not affected. As long as I leave off a Band Aid, I have enough sensation to type. And it's my left hand thumb. So writing for my job will not be affected, either. Though I AM ambidextrous, I have a preferred hand for many activities. Like nose blowing, and card dealing, and teeth picking, and basketball shooting, and chip eating are all for Lefty.
You know what else I discovered tonight? Saliva is a poor substitute for a Band Aid.