I rarely mention anything about my dreams. Somebody is sure to have a kickass dream dictionary to thumb through and psychoanalyze me. I used to have such a tome myself, and it was right on the mark. In fact, I've had two copies. I keep losing them. Which no doubt means that I didn't like the interpretation.
Last night, I dreamed that I had four boobs. Two big ones, and two small ones, detachable, with handles. And storage compartments in my closet. I woke up wondering what this was supposed to signify.
Maybe I'm a super-duper mother, chock full to the brim with nurturing and crap. A caretaker of all humanity, suckling mankind with the milk of human kindness through my quadruple mammaries. Nah! I don't think so. One thing Val has never been accused of is uber-love for her fellow man.
Perhaps it's just the opposite. I'm a terrible mother. Quick! Call 1-800-BAD-MOM. Gotcha! That's one digit short of a toll-free number. You can't lock up Val so easily for stowing away the tetra-teats and leaving her offspring without nourishment. For being a misanthrope. A hater of humanity, her heart a rocky landscape where even the smallest seed of love can find no purchase.
On the third hand...maybe I just really, really like boobs. To the extent that I need to stop shaving my legs, start wearing sensible shoes, and drape myself in flannel shirts. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Val does not mean to be politically incorrect toward the lesbiatti. They were her posse in college. It tends to happen when you live with P.E. majors. Those gal-lovin' gals knew how to throw a happenin' party, but they were not exactly hip to L-Word couture.
Most likely, a dream is just a dream. The second scene knitted by my dreamweaver involved me mentoring a new teacher, his assistant, and their lone charge: a straight-A student they kept in a bell-shaped glass classroom. While Val would be a great mentor for would-be educators practicing how to hold students captive, her many talents could be put to use elsewhere for the greater good.
For one moment in time, Val had four boobs.