Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Val Has Four Boobs

I rarely mention anything about my dreams. Somebody is sure to have a kickass dream dictionary to thumb through and psychoanalyze me. I used to have such a tome myself, and it was right on the mark. In fact, I've had two copies. I keep losing them. Which no doubt means that I didn't like the interpretation.

Last night, I dreamed that I had four boobs. Two big ones, and two small ones, detachable, with handles. And storage compartments in my closet. I woke up wondering what this was supposed to signify.

Maybe I'm a super-duper mother, chock full to the brim with nurturing and crap. A caretaker of all humanity, suckling mankind with the milk of human kindness through my quadruple mammaries. Nah! I don't think so. One thing Val has never been accused of is uber-love for her fellow man.

Perhaps it's just the opposite. I'm a terrible mother. Quick! Call 1-800-BAD-MOM. Gotcha! That's one digit short of a toll-free number. You can't lock up Val so easily for stowing away the tetra-teats and leaving her offspring without nourishment. For being a misanthrope. A hater of humanity, her heart a rocky landscape where even the smallest seed of love can find no purchase.

On the third hand...maybe I just really, really like boobs. To the extent that I need to stop shaving my legs, start wearing sensible shoes, and drape myself in flannel shirts. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Val does not mean to be politically incorrect toward the lesbiatti. They were her posse in college. It tends to happen when you live with P.E. majors. Those gal-lovin' gals knew how to throw a happenin' party, but they were not exactly hip to L-Word couture.

Most likely, a dream is just a dream. The second scene knitted by my dreamweaver involved me mentoring a new teacher, his assistant, and their lone charge: a straight-A student they kept in a bell-shaped glass classroom. While Val would be a great mentor for would-be educators practicing how to hold students captive, her many talents could be put to use elsewhere for the greater good.

For one moment in time, Val had four boobs.


Linda O'Connell said...

My interpretation: you're overwhelmed by having to nourish a litter.

Val Thevictorian said...

I HAVE been feeling overwhelmed. And underappreciated. You'd think that a gal with four boobs could garner more than one comment.

knancy said...

Well, sorry you only got one comment, but I am afraid to interpret dreams as they are so psycho anyway. I think HB Husband is copping a feel while you are asleep.

Val Thevictorian said...

Thankfully, I begged for more, and you humored me with another comment. Hick has trouble sneaking up on me at rest, because his breather betrays him. Two nights ago I was startled awake by SILENCE. Of course I woke him to see why he was breathing his own air. He discovered that he'd pulled a hose loose. Probably because he was up to no good.

Jen said...

Hello Val...as a practising midwife and newbie, just for the record, I have always felt women should evolve to 'boob'attachments on their arms and they could still retain the chest wall ones. "Sigh"...It'd make breast feeding so much easier!
Perhaps you're a perceiver of the future perchance? Cheers, Jen from Australia.

Val Thevictorian said...

Yes, maybe I'm psychic! Women will evolve extra boobs, and men will lose theirs. They'll look like Ken dolls, boobless and hairless.