Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Unwritten Culture Rules of Sixteen-Year-Old Males

I am a regular schoolyard anthropologist. Those of you who are not in daily contact with sixteen-year-old males may not realize that they have an unwritten code of conduct. It is understood. Some things are okay, some things are forbidden. In no particular order, I present...

Unwritten Culture Rules of Sixteen-Year-Old Males

1. Two boys can not go out to eat. That's just wrong. It's like a date.
Well, of course. That's what immediately comes to my mind when I see two boys at McDonalds. Not "Somebody just got a driver's license," or "Boys sure can put away the food." Nope. Everybody surely is thinking, "Oh, look. Two boys on a date."

2. When you go to the movies, three guys sit side-by-side. Two guys leave a seat in between. So people don't think they're on a date.  Again with the dating. Maybe people are thinking, "Ooh! Three-way!" Or not. Don't mention that to sixteen-year-old boys. Then they will take up even more seats at the movies.

3. Calling each other on the phone is forbidden unless it's an emergency, like Algebra. Texting is okay. Because apparently, phone conversations are like dating.

4. Two guys never go to the bathroom together intentionally, unless it is during school lunch, and they are dippin' chew. Because anything else would be like dating.

5. Clothes remain on unless showing off a wound, or mooning.
For example, it's fine to drop your pants to show a paintball welt, or moon your teammates.

6. Trying on another guy's senior ring is not okay, even if you don't know what size to order. It's better to get the wrong size and then send it back to have it cut down or expanded than to put another dude's ring on your finger.

7. Sharing drinks is okay, but not food.
You can drink out of another guy's soda, but don't even think of offering him a bite of your food.

8. There's nothing wrong with playing Spin the Bottle at a school lunch table full of guys. First, you make a statement, like, "Most likely to live in a van down by the river," or "Most likely to marry a hot chick." Then spin the empty soda bottle and see where it lands.

9. It's all right for one guy to ask another guy to help pick out what to wear. Like, if a guy's mom is in the bathtub, and he's color-blind, and needs advice so he will look presentable.

10. Wearing each other's clothes is okay.
If you stay overnight, and have to go to school the next day for a trip to the state robotics championship, and need a clean shirt, you can borrow one.

11. Sleeping in the same bed is acceptable.
For example, in a motel on a trip to the state bowling tournament.

12. Bros before hoes.
But don't be phone-calling or sitting side-by-side at the movies or going out to eat.

13. Gingers have no soul.
Doesn't everybody know that?


Linda O'Connell said...

You are so right about this.
What are gingers? You got me on that one.

Val Thevictorian said...

Gingers are redheads. I think the British have called them gingers for a long time. An Aussie once commented on a picture of my "ginger" cat, who is orange. The kids around here probably heard it on South Park. I put my students in teams of three for a bridge-building activity, and one group named themselves Two Gingers and a Nerd. That now concludes your lesson on gingers.

hocam said...

My experience of gingers is that they have more life than most. Borderline crazy!

Val Thevictorian said...

My mom is a ginger, my sister is a ginger, and my nephew is a ginger. My son has a red-headed boy in his group of friends that they love to tease, so it's a bonus that he happens to be a ginger.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

This is a riot. My son is 29 now, but back when he was a teenager, all of this still held true. I remember! LOL So funny!

Val Thevictorian said...

My son went so far as to drive himself to Walmart and go up to the jewelry counter and ask to be sized for a ring, rather than just asking a couple of dudes at his lunch table to try on theirs. He was gone to a state robot competition on the day the senior ring man came to visit, and gone to an industrial arts competition when the guy came back to take orders.