I am a regular schoolyard anthropologist. Those of you who are not in daily contact with sixteen-year-old males may not realize that they have an unwritten code of conduct. It is understood. Some things are okay, some things are forbidden. In no particular order, I present...
Unwritten Culture Rules of Sixteen-Year-Old Males
1. Two boys can not go out to eat. That's just wrong. It's like a date.
Well, of course. That's what immediately comes to my mind when I see two boys at McDonalds. Not "Somebody just got a driver's license," or "Boys sure can put away the food." Nope. Everybody surely is thinking, "Oh, look. Two boys on a date."
2. When you go to the movies, three guys sit side-by-side. Two guys leave a seat in between. So people don't think they're on a date. Again with the dating. Maybe people are thinking, "Ooh! Three-way!" Or not. Don't mention that to sixteen-year-old boys. Then they will take up even more seats at the movies.
3. Calling each other on the phone is forbidden unless it's an emergency, like Algebra. Texting is okay. Because apparently, phone conversations are like dating.
4. Two guys never go to the bathroom together intentionally, unless it is during school lunch, and they are dippin' chew. Because anything else would be like dating.
5. Clothes remain on unless showing off a wound, or mooning.
For example, it's fine to drop your pants to show a paintball welt, or moon your teammates.
6. Trying on another guy's senior ring is not okay, even if you don't know what size to order. It's better to get the wrong size and then send it back to have it cut down or expanded than to put another dude's ring on your finger.
7. Sharing drinks is okay, but not food.
You can drink out of another guy's soda, but don't even think of offering him a bite of your food.
8. There's nothing wrong with playing Spin the Bottle at a school lunch table full of guys. First, you make a statement, like, "Most likely to live in a van down by the river," or "Most likely to marry a hot chick." Then spin the empty soda bottle and see where it lands.
9. It's all right for one guy to ask another guy to help pick out what to wear. Like, if a guy's mom is in the bathtub, and he's color-blind, and needs advice so he will look presentable.
10. Wearing each other's clothes is okay.
If you stay overnight, and have to go to school the next day for a trip to the state robotics championship, and need a clean shirt, you can borrow one.
11. Sleeping in the same bed is acceptable.
For example, in a motel on a trip to the state bowling tournament.
12. Bros before hoes.
But don't be phone-calling or sitting side-by-side at the movies or going out to eat.
13. Gingers have no soul.
Doesn't everybody know that?