Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Val Hits the Big Time

And now, the news all three of you have been waiting for, the revelation that I sat on for 24 whole hours, the carrot on the stick, the light at the end of the tunnel...


Oops! Are you all right? Here, take a whiff of these smelling salts. Hope there was no structural damage to your noggin when it hit the tile. I am not responsible for accidents, you know.

Last August, I submitted a little 679-word rant cleverly titled, "Dear McDonald's Manager," to the folks at Unsent Letters. And yesterday, on an official U.S. holiday, when I had no expectations of anything other than my cedar-sided home being torched by an errant bottle rocket, I received an e-mail at 4:36 p.m. while I was whipping up some supper. The offer is for publication on the Unsent Letters blog this summer, and in the book to be released sometime in 2013. I would be paid with real money for both formats. In addition, I would receive one copy of the book, and a matching bookmark. A bookmark, people! Have I hit the big time, or what? All I have to do is respond if I agree to the terms, and await a contract.

Of course, I'm not counting my chickens until I have my money and my bookmark in my hot little hands. I could be bumped from the book like a chicken snatched from the yard by the jaws of an errant neighbor hound. But this is still great news for me. I'm pending publication, people! Pending publication!!!

I don't mean to brag, but the offer is in the mid two figures. And don't forget that bookmark! I'm not even depressed that they are not paying me in gum. Or in gold coins that I could keep in a cloth bag, like Fagin in Oliver! The movie. Not the book. Surely you don't think I have time to read a classic such as Oliver Twist for fun. The House of the Seven Gables spoiled that for me. But forget about that wordy Nathaniel Hawthorne and let's get back to ME. I'm going to be published for writing down a snarky complaint. My life as a smart-mouth b*tch (my persona according to Hick), has finally paid off. If only Doolittle Lynn was here, or even Tommy Lee Jones, he might say, "You know, Val, we may have found something you know how to do!"

After all these years of expressing myself on my super secret blog, taking money for writing seems somehow untoward. Inappropriate. This cow feels like she just hung out a shingle for the world's oldest profession. And I don't mean carpenter. Then again, if you have a talent for something, I suppose you might as well charge for your services. As long as it's legal, of course.

There might even be a bookmark in your future!


Linda O'Connell said...

Girl pimp your work, this chick can show you how. Congratulations! This is the beginning of a great writing career.

Chickadee said...

That is awesome!!! Congrats and to think I knew you back when. :)

Keep us posted on publication events as they happen.


Stephen Hayes said...

Just when you least expected it. Congratulations. Hopefully you'll keep us informed as this process continues. You must be floating on air.

Lynn said...

Congratulations! I can't wait to read it as I love letters!

Tammy said...

Congratulations! Be sure and keep us posted so we can read it!

Sioux said...

Val--Congratulations. And I agree with Linda. This is just the beginning...

Donna Volkenannt said...

Yay for you! And go ahead and count those chicken mcnuggets before they're hatched.
You're in the money . . .

Val said...

Ooh! We can call you the Publication Madam.

Thanks. You have been with me for the long haul. Most likely because I'm kind of bird-brained, and you are trained to deal with that stuff. Sorry. I didn't mean to put on airs by comparing myself to the birdies.

It was a pleasant surprise. But it will take more than that to float me, even though I'm already full of hot air.

Thank you. As long as you don't moonlight as a McDonald's manager, you will probably like this letter.

I'll try to keep you informed. You know, even though I'm so shy and retiring and don't like to toot my own horn.

Are you part of Linda's stable? Is that writing group called the WWWP just a cover for her real business? I hope all you are wielding is a pen.

Thanks. And I'm also in the BOOKMARK!