Genius is away at Missouri Boys State for eight whole days. So I am sorely lacking in material. However, in absentia, he supplied me with today's virtual stick to use in the poking of Hick. It's not so good as the stick proffered by the harpy in The Quiet Man, for John Wayne to use to beat the lovely lady, Maureen O'Hara. But it's serviceable.
I have been keeping up with Genius's exploits through the Boys State website. He has called twice, after 11:00 p.m., when lights out is supposed to be 10:30. I hope he is not arrested by his city law enforcement officials. Participants are banned from email and cell phone usage, except for miniscule time allotments. At least that's what the informational material said. But before he left, Genius told me about the scheduled guest speakers.
The only name I retained was James Carville. That's because I loooves me some James Carville! I find him particularly hilarious. And quite shrewd. So pardon me if I've forgotten all the other famous political speakers. Office-holders, perhaps, from our own fair state. Genius might as well have been telling our hyperactive pup, Juno, how to fly a 747. It didn't register.
When Hick returned to the house for supper, after his daily reunion with his goat and chicken brigade, I told him that last night, Genius saw James Carville. And my dear husband, who may or may not be challenged in the auditory department, replied, "Where, over by the chickens?"
SCREEEEEECH! That's the sound of a needle on an LP record, for those of you who have achieved a certain maturity. And the sound of squealing brakes on an out-of-contol Chevy Volt for those who have not. It ranks right up there with my all-time favorite non sequiturs. Like the following exchange from my college days, when the coach teaching the soccer class was late by about ten minutes. COACH: "Oh, I'm sorry. I was sweeping in my office." STUDENT: "Well, we're tired, too. But we were here on time." And that was WAY before Jerry Seinfeld even thought of having Marlee Matlin on his show to spy on George's ex-girlfriend.
Why in the world would Hick think that James Carville was over by our chicken pen? I'm sure James has much more important things to do. Like speaking at Missouri Boys State, for example. But it might explain those strange tiny eggs we found last week.
I had to get to the bottom of Hick's assumption. It's best to get right to the point with him. No pussy-footing around. No beating around the bush. No coming at it from an angle. No putting the cart before the horse. No hem-hawing around. A feat which I find quite difficult. So I simply said, "Why in the world would James Carville be over by our chicken pen?"
And Hick replied, "Oh. I thought you said you saw a big cardinal."
So for Mr. Emily "Hick" Litella, I politely say, "Never mind."