Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Crossing the Toed Line

I have been inspired.

Today I saw the most amazing sight. It was a woman's big toe that was longer than my thumb. It was the greatest great toe ever! And it wasn't misshapen or hairy or yellow-nailed or in need of exfoliation with a good pumice stone. In fact, it had a tasteful coating of polish on the nail.

But that was one long toe!

Consider, perhaps, the thumbs of Sissy Hankshaw in Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. Only in toe form. I'm sure this Toe Ma'am will never use her great toes to get into half the things Sissy Hankshaw did with her thumbs. But somebody needs to take notice.

I normally try to avoid looking at feet. I abhor them. But these were just there, propped up, in plain sight. A quick glance, and my eye was snagged by that great toe. Toe Ma'am should wear an oven mitt over it, like George Costanza protecting his hand-model cash cows. I'm not even sure an oven mitt would fit such a long-appendaged foot.

Like Olive Oyl's neck and Popeye's forearms, Frankenstein's forehead and Eddie Munster's widow's peak...this great toe will come to mind when I hear Toe Ma'am's name.

Seriously. Little Jack Horner could have extracted a plum with it.


4 comments:

knancy said...

Thanks to her great big toe and your post for reminding me of “Only Cowgirls Get the Blues”. Those were the good ol’ days of reading.

Sioux said...

And they weren't man-feet? Are you sure?

Linda O'Connell said...

Turtle heads poking out...ewww. I could think of worse, though.

Val said...

knancy,
I also recommend a flash back to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

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Sioux,
I didn't see them cracking open a lobster, so I'll have to say that they were not man-feet. Too dainty.

And thank goodness it was not severed like a pinky toe in a street-sweeper accident, requiring Kramer to put it on ice in a Cracker Jack box, and hijack a bus to get it to the hospital. While making all the stops, of course.

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Linda,
Um. Did I mention turtle heads? Because I have never thought of big toes looking like turtle heads, but now I will, and that makes me abhor feet even more.

And it gives me the urge to whack them with a boat paddle until they hiss and spit out my worm and hook. Which will be a clever trick, what with feet sometimes being called "boat paddles."