Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Monday, May 14, 2012

Becalmed, But Not Forewarned

Whew! I've barely recovered from the longest public school band concert in recorded history. Quick! Call the Guinnesses. Or better yet, pour me a Guinness! Just joking there. Val is a teetolaler. But the length of that concert was no joke.

Hick, The Pony, and I left home at 1:00 and returned at 4:45. That was one long concert. You could practically hear the buttocks screaming for mercy. Great googly moogly! I could have spent less time at an eighties hair-band concert.

While stranded there waiting for The Pony to be released at the last note of the last band of the last performance of the year...my mind found a way to occupy itself. Kind of like The Devil is the main hirer of idle hands.

Just sit right back
And you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a sordid woe
That started from this Backroads town
Aboard my black Tahoe.

The Pony was a mighty trombone guy,
His mother old as dirt.
Three passengers set off that day
For a spring band concert.
A spring band concert.

The program started running long,
The audience was pissed.
If not for the love of their precious kids,
They would have booed and hissed.
They would have booed and hissed.

So this is the tale of beleaguered Val,
Who was there for a long, long time.
She couldn't polish her contest piece
To submit on time.
To submit on time.

The Pony and his brother, too,
Have done their very best
To keep their mother comfortable,
In her cool, dark, basement nest.

No phone, no lights, no snacky things,
Not a single luxury.
Just monitor, mouse, and keyboard...
Don't waste that entry fee.

So join me here this fall, my friends
To see if Val can toot
Her long horns over victory,
Or if the point is moot.

Thank you. I'll be here all week. Right after I finish my three-hour tour on the U.S.S. Minnow.

5 comments:

knancy said...

What in the world was the band playing while you were humming this little ditty? Or did you just totally block them out of your mind? Did your ears go numb along with your butt?

Leenie said...

School band concerts are TRULY a test of a parents' love, dedication and bladders. The only ones who may suffer more are the band teachers who have to work with the kids for eons to prepare for that concert.

I'm going to remember to use recital time more efficiently next time. I may be able to produce some cool lyrics too but not as cool as yours. Best of luck putting that entry fee to good use.

Stephen Hayes said...

Our son was never into playing musical instruments other than air guitar so I was spared this horror.

Linda O'Connell said...

So tell me Skipper, why have you been hiding this talent? I sat at a volleyball game once that did me in for the entire day. Band concerts in comparison are not so bad.

Val said...

knancy,
That's the problem. It was when the band WASN'T playing that I came up with the idea. Too many awards handed out between songs. Save them for the awards assembly, I say.

************
Leenie,
I normally enjoy a school band concert. I was band president, you know, along with my valedictorian fame. However...an hour is enough time for four bands to play four songs each.

************
Stephen,
An air concert might have been interesting.

*************
Linda,
I'll see your raucous sports fans and raise you three screaming toddlers. They must have been warming up for a transcontinental airplane trip.

I have been hiding my talent in a steamer trunk that I smuggled onto the Minnow. Don't tell Gilligan. He seems to be obsessed with me.