Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Backroads Miz Manners Addresses the Tissue Issue

Dear Backroads Miz Manners,

I work in the field of education. I try to provide my students with the comforts of home. Or the comforts of what a home should have. I buy Germ-X and Puffs-with-Lotion as a courtesy. Nobody is reimbursing me for such items. The cost runs in the low three figures each year. I put them out, free for the taking, so the sickly among us can heal without stressing over where their next tissue is coming from.

Today a child emptied her sinuses into several such tissues, and announced loudly, "Your Kleenex smells funny." Kids can be so cruel. My feelings were hurt. I was left without a comeback.

How should I deal with such a situation in the future?

Feelings Throbbing on My Sleeve

Dear Throbbing,

What a curious illness that child must have, to garner an enhanced sense of smell from a nasal-clogging virus! Perhaps the expulsion of a snootful of snot gave her superhuman smellage. And what kind of "funny" was the odor? Did the tissue smell like a red, rubber clown nose? A tickle feather? A foot-squashed banana peel?

If such a comment is repeated, the best answer might be a simple, "Then maybe you'd better not use them." That places the tissue ball in Snooty's court. She can drip dry, or she can choose to use the funny tissues.

Another classy rejoinder might be, "Feel free to bring in the kind that you prefer, and share them with the class."

Under no circumstances should one enter into a rant along the lines of, "You people are so ungrateful! I spend my own money on those tissues. But if you're going to complain, by cracky, I'll get a roll of see-through toilet paper from the supply closet, and you can use THAT to blow it out your nose!"

Remain classy, Throbbing.

Backroads Miz Manners


Sioux said...

If you get one of those rolls of TP that are, like, 2 feet in diameter, they last all school year. Make the cherubs pull the two-ply apart, to double the useage.

Thumbtacking miniature drool buckets--1 under each nostril--to serve as drip buckets works well, too.

Stephen Hayes said...

This post blows! Sorry, but I couldn't resist.

Leenie said...

Dear Backroads Miz Manners,

Your list of things that smell funny is hilarious. Your advice is superb and your blog is one of my favorites.

I only wish I could come up with such clever rejoinders to such whines, even after the fact, at two a.m.

Signed, Leenie

Val said...

Yeah, those big rolls, like giant wheels of cheese. They would be free, courtesy of the supply room. The thumbtacks, however, I would have to purchase myself. Staples, on the other hand...

Don't fret. I'm withholding a snotty comeback.

Backroads Miz Manners assures me that you are one of her favorite readers. And that you don't even smell funny.