Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Val the Stabber

I lapsed into a half-hearted stabbing spree today. Without thinking. By rote. Not that I practice and carry out full-on stabbing sprees on a regular basis. I was kind of having a not-so raibowy, unicorny, lollipoppy day.

When I finally reached the sanctuary of my garage, and saw a package on top of the generator, I almost squealed with not-rage. I was sure it was my pre-ordered copy of Jeneration X. Jen Lancaster's new release. And indeed, the box had Amazon written all over it. Imagine my surprise when I hacked it open on the kitchen counter and found, not my long-awaited literary treat, but a flash attachment for the camera of Genius.

The big, fat, fluffy, pillows of air-stuffing mocked me. I took the carving knife that is ever-so-ready down the side of the sink drainer, and stabbed. Stabbed. Stabbed, stabbed, stabbed, STABBED! Any trio of visually-challenged rodents that might have been loitering about the premises should count their lucky stars that they still have their tails intact.

I, too, enumerated a few celestial bodies of hot gases. Because in spite of my errant thrusting, I did not inadvertently disembowel myself. That would have been tragic.

Because Jeneration X does not come out until May 1st.

6 comments:

Sioux said...

Jeneration X? Sound like some of that writin' stuff I've been hearin' so much about. Why are you frothing at the mouth over it?

Stephen Hayes said...

I wish I had something pithy to say, but alas....

knancy said...

I just love how you coin new words. I have passed on your word "flusie" to many as I am quite OC about germs. Now, when I read lollipoppy I immediately envisioned Pippi Longstockings for some strange reason, but, then again, I have had a mini-stroke. Still yet, I thought, what a great name for a really naive person. You could say that to some one that is also a very a$$holish, stupid person and they would probably take it as a compliment. You sweet little lollipoppy, you. Sort of like buttercup. I'll probably get stabbed, now that I think about it a little bit more, for even speaking like this! You sweet little buttercup, you!

Leenie said...

Trashing bubble wrap is better than expensive therapy--any day. Wishing you rainbows, unicorns and lollipops for the weekend. Okay, maybe not. That could mean cloudburst, horse poo and a sticky mess to clean up.

Do unicorns poo?

Linda O'Connell said...

Go ahead, take out your frustrations; it's okayyyyyyy.

Val said...

Sioux,
Well, because unlike Val Thevictorian, this chick has actually done wrote up some words into a book. That folks are itchin' to read. A book that is easy for ME to read, because it is my kind of writin'. Only in finished product form.

And that mouth froth? Could be a delayed reaction from the time a chipmunk bit me, and nobody knew if they carry rabies.

**********
Stephen,
Some days you're the punchline, some days you're the straight man.

**********
knancy,
I had forgotten about my flusie. Good health abounds here in Backroads at the moment.

I'm thinking that lollipoppy and buttercup can work in the same way as BREATHTAKING.

**********
Leenie,
Darn you all to heck! That's what that lion said in Madagascar, paraphrasing Charleton Heston in Planet of the Apes.

The cloudburst arrived this afternoon, the horse poo is across the road for now, in my neighbor's field (but the fence doesn't hold in the smell), and at school, I had a sticky mess of old tape on my hands that Germ-X only spread. Note to self: Puffs with Lotion does not dry sticky, Germ-Xy hands well AT ALL.

Unicorns are quite secretive in their toileting habits. That's why you never step in a steaming pile of unicorn poo. They crochet little pouches that they hang under their tails to collect the poo. Then they sell it online for $100 per ounce.

*************
Linda,
As if I need permission. Bwah Ha Ha! I am wielding a knife, you know. Some folks calls it a sling blade. I call it a butcher knife. Mmm hmm.