Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Monday, January 2, 2012

Backroads Miz Manners Pinches Penny

Dear Backroads Miz Manners,

Recently, I was standing in line at a gas-station-chicken establishment when I noticed a terrible breach of convenience-store etiquette. A young boy pocketed a penny out of the free penny dish on the checkout counter, and lorded it over his brother. "I got the last one. No penny for you. You can't even read it. 'Take a penny.' So I took a penny. You don't get one." I was sorely tempted to grab him by the scruff of the neck and shake him until he put it back. Or pinch him 'til he let it go. Sometimes my ire gets the best of me. In this instance, I choked back my outrage and merely gave him the stink-eye.

A certified child-care professional has advised me in past small-fry near-confrontations to squat down and stare into the perp's eyes. Silently. That idea scares the pants off me.

What should I do if this happens again?

Signed,
Penny-less Pincher in Backroads

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Dear Penny Pincher,


What is your major malfunction? You have no problem offering your thoughts without the offer of a penny.

There's no abrasion of epidermis from your nasal protuberance if the lad pilfers a penny. It wasn't yours, now was it? 

Are you envious that the boy got it first? Perhaps he saw a penny, and picked it up, so all the day he'd have good luck. He knew that if he saw a penny and let it lay, he'd have bad luck the rest of the day. 

Maybe he was saving it. Which makes it a penny earned, not a penny stolen. 

What if he already had one penny, but didn't have two pennies to rub together? Problem solved. Quite an ingenious little fellow!


Did you ever stop to consider whether the youngster had a mild case of Asperger's Syndrome? In which case he might be inept in social situations, and take such a penny-dish sign quite literally.


Get over yourself, my dear. The world is full of pennies that will be grabbed before you can get them. Learn to choose your battles. What's next, reporting a relative for removing the tag from a pillow?


Signed,
Backroads Miz Manners

6 comments:

Bailey Hammond said...

Haha! Umm, I've had the same pillow for...many years now, and I still haven't removed the tag. IT'S IN ALL CAPS! I can't remove those...I don't know what would happen, but I can't risk it.

Although I have removed the tag from a hairdryer before. And that's actually pretty dangerous.

I also happen to think it's hilarious that the word verification for this comment is "vinnesin." Makes me hungry for deer jerky.

Sioux said...

Dear Backroads PP--

Backroads Miz Manners is wrong and you were right to get on your high horse (although take some precautions that you don't fall off that lofty nag). That hooligan was stealing when he took the penny. That coin was meant for when you dig in the bottom of your purse for the last lint-covered cent you need to get a 44-ounce soda or a desperately-needed bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

And yes, I have reported my in-laws for ripping the label off pillows (no word from the FBI yet) and double-dippers are reported by me to whoever is in charge of the food at the wake...

VIP (Vindictive in Public)

Tammy said...

I'm with Sioux--bring on that stink-eye. And who among us hasn't had that Flamin' Hot Cheeto emergency?

Val said...

Bailey,
So you are only a partial scofflaw. That word verification must be in tune with the Backroads citizenry. Spelling and all.

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Sioux,
Penny-less Pincher thanks you for the validation. You must be some crazy mixed-up psychic. When Penny reached into her pocket for correct change, a Hershey-kiss-sized ball of lint appeared with the coins.

But you missed the mark with the purse presumption. This is BACKROADS! Women do not carry purses. They stuff their wads of bills into their front jeans pockets, along with their keys, Marlboro hard packs, Bic lighters, personal hygiene products, and Chapstick. It is the perfect example for St. Louis gal Kathleen Madigan's comedy routine on "Lesbian, or just midwestern?" Not that there's anything wrong with that...

As far as your penchant for reporting scofflaws and double-dippers, perhaps you should add parking garage public urinators to your list.

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Tammy,
I can honestly say that I have never had a Flamin' Hot Cheeto emergency. Just this afternoon, my son offered me some Jalapeno Munchies, and I declined. Can't take the heat, so I stay out of the spicy-snack kitchen. Little chocolate donuts, however, are a horse of a different color.

Sioux said...

Yes, Val, PPers (Public Pee-ers) should be reported on.

And people who put out a contract on the WRONG dog!

Val said...

Sioux,
Also add to that list someone who eats a piece of cake, from the wedding of King Edward VIII to Wallis Simpson in 1937, worth $29,000, and replaces it with Entenmann's. Worth $2.19.