Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Milking the Chex Mix

Once again, I shamelessly rely on my old standby for a topic.

Monday morning, I doled out my world-famous Christmas Chex Mix to select co-workers. In one building, anyway. My little elf, The Pony, was sent packing a poke of plastic containers into his school.

I felt a teeny bit guilty, putting The Pony under such pressure. He was in danger of being ripped fetlock from fetlock. A pack of wild jackals would show him more tenderness than teachers wanting Chex Mix. They become addicted.

Picture the poor Pony as a young, male, Elaine Benes, walking alone. Instead of Gramma Mimma's napkins stuffed with mutton in the pockets of a borrowed coat, The Pony has seven tubs of Chex Mix in a plastic bag. He is not followed by barking dogs, but by salivating faculty. I worried that he might jettison the sack to make an escape.

Oh, I've tried to teach my free customers to fish. I've provided the recipe so they can spend hours of their own time creating this crunchy concoction, and enjoy it year-round. That went over about as well as handing out poppy seeds to heroin addicts. When teachers want Chex Mix, they want it NOW! It's like Christmas crack.

I distributed my wares at 9:15. By 1:30, I had an email and a phone call asking if I could supply a refill.

Make it stop.


Sioux said...

Yes, stressed-out teachers are worse than a pack of dingos. Your son is lucky to have made it out alive!

Maybe you need to put a contract out on yourself--just have the mob whack your hands and break a few bones, rendering you unable to make the chex mix. Then the next year, at Christmas time, you'll suffer from amnesia. The holiday makes you recall painful memories of the attack; to remember the recipe would mean digging at painful psychological scars.

Sound doable?

Val Thevictorian said...

Sounds like a NaNoWriMo novel. And I think it would be less painful just to fake my own death. Perhaps jump off a riverboat casino, leaving behind one shoe and my Total Rewards card.

knancy said...

When you finally get totally burned out on doing this just tell the teachers that due to the peanut allergy dangers and the school stance on this dilemma you feel you should not subject your precious students to such dangerous foods.

Val Thevictorian said...

The peanut allergy did cross my mind when I took in the Christmas crack. I normally don't use mixed nuts with peanuts, but with skyrocketing prices, I've had to make some adjustments. Goodbye, deluxe mixed nuts. Hello, 60% peanuts.

Of course, the Chex Mix was consumed at such a rate that no allergy dared flare up.