Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Thursday, December 15, 2011

It's Not Like I'm Sending My Kids to an Oliver Twist Workhouse to Become Future Sad-Faced Funeral Mourners

I'm about to have a cow, man!

I've been making some last-minute gift orders online. Last night, I chose a special gift for a special friend. I had been waffling on which specific item I wanted to bestow upon my bestie, and put it off a bit too long. To get it in time for our grand gift exchange, I chose 2nd Day shipping. Because I want that item in two days. I realized that the order would not go out until today. And that two days would mean a Monday arrival. Which is doable.

A few minutes ago, I checked my email. The service department had sent me an email this morning at nine. Was I SURE I wanted 2nd Day shipping? Because they could save me ten dollars if I chose regular ground shipping. But that would take three days. And my item would arrive on Tuesday.

Since when do customer service departments make judgments on the relative wealth of their customers? How is it their place to decide who gets to use 2nd Day shipping? If it's not available, don't offer it. I don't need a nursemaid to oversee my financial decisions. Nor a nanny to second-guess my purchases. What's next, an email asking if I'm sure I want that certain version of the item? Are they going to micro-manage the tastefulness of my gift as well?

I just replied a bit snarkily. "Yes, I want to keep the 2nd Day shipping. I want my item before Tuesday. That's why I chose 2nd Day shipping. I hope my purchase has not been delayed while waiting for a response to this email."

Jiminy Christmas! I saved $5.00 on that item right off the bat by going to retailmenot.com. And a few minutes ago, I reduced a $169 order from a different entity to $102 by using a promotional code. That's sixty percent savings, people. I know my way around the checkbook. So if I want to splurge on shipping for a special item, that's my business. As Sandra Bullock said in 28 Days, "If it is not too much to ask, will you all just back the eff off!" Of course, Sandy's scriptwriter should have punctuated that with a question mark, but it's probably better not to broach that subject. Especially since I took a little creative-spelling license with the key word in his quote.

I would love to be paid to second-guess other people's purchases.


Sioux said...

I would, too.

"Are you SURE you want to purchase that toupee? You do know, don't you, that it will look like a submissive raccoon on your head and NOT like real hair?"

"Are you SURE you want to purchase that thong? You know, don't you, that your butt is as wide as the
QE2, and that black thong just accentuates the cellulite? Also, have you forgotten your fondness for wearing old, threadbare, skin-tight, white stretch capri pants? Do you REALLY think they will look good with that thong underneath?"

"Are you SURE you want to show that much cleavage by purchasing that top? That skin looks like crepe paper. It's not attractive, Miss Cougar."

Oh yes, I would love to help others with their purchases...

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am so excited to be able to comment, I can think of nothing to say!! New computer and I have been living in learn the new computer hell. I finally resolved the problem that prevented me from witty repartee. Good thing I am on drugs, or I would have taken an axe to this damn thing!

labbie1 said...

Ah. I see you have been bit by the bah humbug! Welcome to the club!

labbie1 said...

PS--funeral mourners made quite a bit of coin as I have read. Perhaps the kids SHOULD consider that profession! ;-)

Val Thevictorian said...

I am a bit embarrassed that you've pointed out my physical foibles here on my own blog. I deliberately have no picture of myself. Who wants to see my bald head, my Queenly butt, my white capris, or my crepe-y skin? I think you must moonlight as a customer service rep. That was entirely too easy for you.

Gosh! Next thing you know, you'll be wishing for ice water, and then say it's too dang cold. You people in hell are never satisfied! Keep on drugging if it keeps you from axing. That's what I always say.

I'm afraid my boys are not quite sad enough to rock that profession. But The Pony can make himself cry on cue. I didn't figure that out until he was nine.