More facts have come to light concerning the sudden appearance of my new puppy, Juno. My mom sometimes leaves out details in her stories in favor of explaining how she went to town for a Sonic Diet Coke, and was worried that they would put too much ice in it again, so she thought of telling them "light ice" but forgot until she got to the window, where she saw the girl put two scoops of ice into her Route 44 cup, which was just right, so she didn't have to add any ice at home because it melted, or add more soda from a can because of too much ice, so you just never know, really, how the Sonic kid is going to make your soda. It depends on the kid.
By questioning her like a defense attorney, I garnered some pertinent facts. Juno the pup first darkened her doorstep last Monday. Mom refused to feed her. Or him, as Mom still refers to girly little Juno. "I know people always say that once you feed them, they won't leave. So I did not feed him. I thought he'd go away. But he didn't. When I went out to the garage to go to town for my Sonic soda, he was there. I was afraid I'd run over him. I said, 'Shoo! Shoo!' but he wouldn't leave. I picked up an empty plastic storage tub and put it over him until I came back. That way I didn't run over him. It got so bad that I didn't want to go out my front door, because he was there, looking up at me. I snuck out the sliding glass doors to walk up to my mailbox. And when he saw me, he barked! He barked at ME! I live there, not him! I started to get worried on Wednesday. I didn't want to feed him. But Genius came out after school. And he really liked that pup. I got conly (that's her way of saying kind of) afraid that he might die. So I gave him some bread soaked in bacon grease, and some milk. He really gobbled that up. And he really liked Genius. He followed him all around the yard. When Genius left, I made a little bed out of a cooler and an old afghan. Genius said he would try to find somebody to take him."
You see? She wasn't consciously planning to starve that little pup to death. She just thought he'd go somewhere else. I called her out on this one.
"Have you ever seen An Officer and a Gentleman? Zack Mayo wants to fly jets. He has no family except a drunk, womanizing father. Zack is not a team player, and kind of a con man. During basic training, he gets caught selling polished shoes and belt buckles before inspection. Louis Gossett Jr. punishes Zack all weekend. Zack does pushups with his face in a mud puddle. He runs in place with a rifle over his head, while Louis Gossett Jr. sprays him in the face with a water hose. Louis Gossett Jr commands Zack to DOR. Zack refuses. Over and over, as he is laying on a concrete slab holding his feet off the ground. Louis Gossett Jr. says, 'All right. You're out.' And Zack Mayo cries, 'Don't you do it! I got nowhere else to go!'
"That pup is Zack Mayo. Where else did you think he would go? If he had anywhere else to go, he wouldn't be at your house, eating no food, being shut up under a Rubbermaid tub, and eagerly awaiting your appearance, even though you shunned him dreadfully. What were you thinking?"
She thought for a minute. "I don't know. He kept getting thinner, and I thought, 'I don't want the little thing to die. I've got to give him something.' So I made him that grease bread."
I didn't want her to feel bad. But seriously. How did she think a puppy was going to feed itself? Perhaps this will educate her for the next animal young 'un that gets dumped in her yard.