Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Courtesy, Shmourtesy. You Make my Patootie Hourtesy.

I am quickly becoming disillusioned with my banking corporation.

In the first place, I chose my bank because of the branch location, and because Hick and I were rudely treated by the lowly tellers at our old bank. I'm not proclaiming that a bank teller position is a lowly profession. I am proclaiming that when you have an appointment with a loan officer near closing time, and the tellers laugh at you from behind a locked door while sitting on desks waiting for their departure time to tick away on the clock, and deliberately forget to tell the loan officer that your credit report has arrived as she requested, via the fax machine in their midst, and flounce out the door giggling about their reprimand from her...it is time to change banks.

The new bank was eaten up by a larger bank, which was eaten up by a larger bank, and so on. Yet still, we remained loyal to the employees of our branch. We were treated well, until that snotty drive-thru teller demanded that I respond to her sing-songy, saccharin thank you before she would shoot my deposit receipt through the tube. But she's not there anymore. My gripes are not with the local branch of our bank.

Several times per day, a representative of this corporation calls our home. I normally don't answer, because my personal assistant, The Pony, tells me that it's a toll-free call when he checks that little screen thingy on the house phone. Does this representative leave a message? No. He calls Monday through Saturday. Intermittently, between 9:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. I know, because sometimes my personal assistant is on holiday at his grandma's house, and I'm tricked into picking up my old-style Seinfeld huge-antennaed receiver in my basement office.

The bank representative does not identify himself or his corporation. He asks for Hick. When I say that he is not available, the phantom caller does not leave a message. He merely says, "We'll call back later." And he does. And does. Again and again, until I'm tricked into answering. Then the same thing is deja vu all over again, just like Yogi Berra said. And the caller ID thingamajig does not show a business, only the toll free number.

Yesterday I answered the call while Hick was outside mowing the front field. When Phantom Caller asked for Hick, I asked which Hick he wanted. Because Hick has an adult son by the same name, and we often get calls for the young Hick. Thus ensued a lengthy Q and A in which I refused to reveal identifying information for either Hick. Finally, Phantom Caller declared that he wanted the Hick who had an account with Phantom Bank. I replied that my Hick had such an account, and was there a problem with that account, because if so, I could go upstairs and out the front door and flag down Hick from the field so he could respond.

And Phantom Caller said, "No. There's no problem. This is just a courtesy call to see if we're fulfilling his banking needs."

I responded that the last two times somebody from Phantom Bank had actually left a message for Hick to call, that Hick had called. And found out that they only wanted to know if his needs were being met. It was a big waste of time. And furthermore, that this constant calling bordered more on harassment than than courtesy, what with calling several times per day, every day.

Phantom Caller said he was sorry that I felt that way. That he would call back.


Next time he calls, I am going to answer. And tell him to stop calling. If he can't, I need to speak to his supervisor. And the supervisor's supervisor. Until I get them to stop this confounded calling. I don't know why he can't bother to ask me the questions and be done. I'm a real live person. It is a joint account. With OR between our names, not AND. That means I have equal say in what goes on there. It does not require the both of us to make decisions or withdrawals or voice our satisfaction as to our need-meeting.

Since when did courtesy calls become such royal pains in the patootie?


Tammy said...

Pardon my scream, but YES!!!! This same scenario exactly happened to me. And I'm on the No-Call List. Finally I told them that if they called again, we would switch banks since real courtesy means respecting our wishes. That stopped them...so far.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

We use the business number for everything. This is good and bad. I can't block calls, lest I miss a reservation. But it sure does come in handy when those annoyance calls come in. I will just keep asking what sort of reservation the caller needs, tent or RV, until they hang up in frustration. If a call from a service center in India comes in, I just keep asking for someone who speaks English in my very best (worst) southern accent until they hang up. I confess, I do like to mess with people.

Val Thevictorian said...

I wonder if it's the same bank. They act so desperate, like the frumpy girl after the football jock says hi to her one day in the hall, who spends the rest of the year trying to make him notice her.

You just reminded me of a trick I used to pull with those people who would call during supper and ask for a few minutes of my time. I would say, "Just a minute." Then I'd lay the phone down and leave it until I was good and ready to go hang it up. Or until that annoying beep beep noise came on.

labbie1 said...

I have done everything from telling them that he is out slopping the hogs to he and mamma are in the bedroom with the door closed and there are noises coming out that are making me scared...(in my best hushed little kid's voice) to a variation on your Just a Minute--I put mine under a pillow or alternately, put it next to the running vacuum or my panting pooch. I HATE TELEMARKETERS!!!!!

Val Thevictorian said...

Ooh! I love the vacuum idea!