Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Sunday, May 1, 2011

May Day Momisms

May 1st. It's the day that my mother used to mark the beginning of barefoot season. It didn't matter if the temperature rose to eighty degrees on April 30. Shoes had to be worn until May 1st.

Among the other momisms:

*Always wash your feet before bed. (I'm perpetuating the hillbilly stereotype for all of rural Missouri, it seems.)

*When you take a bath, it is NOT acceptable to start at the feet and work your way up for a change. Well, you don't want to know who came up with this brilliant idea, but you can see how bragging about the new bathtime routine backfired.

*The word fart will never be mentioned in this house (unspoken rule). If one smelt it and wished to inquire as to who dealt it, the proper way to address the situation was: "Does somebody have to go to the bathroom." Thank goodness she had two girls and no boys, because I can imagine my imaginary brother piping up, 'No, I only had to FART!'

*Don't slam the mustard bottle down on the table. Enacted after my sister, who doesn't even eat mustard, shot a bright yellow geyser onto the ceiling of the kitchen.

*Eat everything on your plate before you get up from the table. Guess what? If you don't like the canned peas when they're served to you at 5:00 p.m., you really won't like cold canned peas in the dark at 9:00 p.m.

I realize I've left out the clean underwear in case of an accident, and what if your face froze like that, and if all of your friends jumped off a bridge would you jump off, too. I have time constraints, you know.


Mommy Needs a Xanax said...

Don't tell anybody when you have some money because you might get whacked in the head.

Don't run from the rooster when he chases you, and he'll stop. (I proved this wrong.)

Tammy said...

We couldn't say the "f" word at my house, either. It had to be "passed gas." Which is of course *way* more disgusting when you think about it.

Linda O'Connell said...

"You'll feel better once you get to school." Uh-huh!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Um, Mommy ...... not only will the rooster still chase you, he will spur you!

We had to wear undershirts until the first rain in May ....... and we lived in South Georgia. Undershirts. They were supposed to be our protection from chest colds. All I remember is being bathed in sweat upon awakening in my flannel pj's with that stupid undershirt plastered to my body as I coughed and wheezed my way through breakfast.

Val Thevictorian said...

Those are some tough, head-whacking, rooster-running streets you walk, my friend. I'd lay in a hefty supply of Benadryl. It cures everything, I hear.

Wow! You were allowed to say "gas" in your house?

That's what Mom always told my sister. Who whined, "No I won't! You'll be sorry!"

Please tell me you also had to wear a headscarf. Because you're just beggin' for an earache if you don't wear a headscarf.