Unbagging the Cats 1

Unbagging the Cats 1

Friday, March 18, 2011

A Challenge for Inventors

I have an embarrassing little problem. It involves the leakage of nasal fluid. Don't be grossed out. It could be worse.

My nose has a mind of its own. Most snouts let the watery effluxion flow out the bottom of the nostril, like this:
Most normal noses. Mine is different. I'm not exactly a proboscis monkey.

My snout is different in the way it allows nasal juices to drip. Can I get a little trickle that can be remedied with a discrete daubing? No. My nose, specifically my right nostril, permits my mucous to dribble out the top of the orifice. That's just abnormal.

What do I have up my nose, some freaky upside-down slide, like those little metal ramps that launch quarters into the backs of toy dump trucks at the arcade? How does this fluid defy gravity and run out the top of my nostril? I can feel it getting ready to drip like a raindrop off the end of a tree bud.

No matter how many times I blot the ol' snout drop, it returns. Short of stuffing a piece of tissue in there to absorb the liquid offender, I know of no method to stop the intermittent flow. It may happen when I'm at the lunch table, or when a student enters my classroom after a generous dousing of cologne/perfume, or when the custodian is especially energetic in his sweeping.

I am waiting for somebody to invent a little pierced-nose gadget that is not so much a nose ring as a tiny bucket for gathering snot drops from the upper shelf of the right nostril. Like a miniature maple syrup collector for the nose instead of a tree.

Start filling out those patent applications.


knancy said...

Instead of a beak bucket or a trunk tampon try Dr. Theiss Alergol® Pollen Blocker Cream. It is supposed to block irritants from entering your sensitive schnoz which triggers your rhino-rivulets.

Val Thevictorian said...

Wow! You know your way around the nose! Now I will have to see if The Devil stocks it at his Playground.